17 changes, including
11 extended scenes
5 scenes with alternative footage
1 additional scene


The Unrated runs 631,24 Sec. / approx. 10 minutes 32 Sec. longer than the Theatrical Version.




With a budget of 100 Million dollars, this comedy starring Will Ferrell and Mark Wahlberg didn't run too bad (about 168 Million dollars at the box office). To increase the profit, a longer Unrated Version was produced that gives the PG-13 movie a solid R vibe. Whether or not all the changes benefit the movie that already seems a bit long is a matter of personal taste.


Comparison between the Theatrical Version (PG-13) and the Unrated Version (both on the US-DVD from Columbia Pictures).

Alternative footage
0:10:13: Being asked how he feels, Jimmy answers differently in both versions.

Theatrical Version: "Like a Viagra pill with a face."

Unrated: "Like my cock was made out of concrete."

The Theatrical Version runs 1,76 Sec. longer

Alternative footage
0:10:40: Jimmy insults Terry.

Theatrical Version: "Douchebag!"

Unrated: "Jerk-off!"

The Theatrical Version runs 0,2 Sec. longer

Extended scene
0:18:26: When Mauch talks to the policemen he interrupts himself because on of Danson's and Highsmith's relatives is nearby. They give their condolences and Jimmy introduces himself, which is pretty bad timing as he is told by his collegues.("Too soon..." und "Why do you say that?!")
The Theatrical Version features a short, exclusive shot.
The Unrated runs 14,8 Sec. longer

Extended scene
0:33:54: Allen and Sheila elaborate on how they got to know each other.

Allen: "We immediately spent the next three days at the La Quinta Inn and to be honest, we didn't speak."
Sheila: "Three days of not communicating once verbally."
Allen: "We had actually without knowing it, had developed a language of eye flutters and non-verbal gestures."
Sheila: "You know, Terry, it was just this primal connection. After those three days of non-verbal communication and a whole lot of lovin', I had to go to a specialist to to get my hips re-aligned."
Allen: "Similar to operating on a German shepherd when they have hip dysplasia."
Sheila: "Very painful."
45,68 Sec.

Extended scene
0:36:56: Terry and Allen are told in great detail what happened in the car.

Cop: "The placenta blew out all over the back window there. Yeah and then to top it all off, some joker comes along, takes himself a nifty little dump in the driver's seat. I think he knew you guys were cops because this is what I would call a "spite shit"."
Allen: "You were able to determine all of that from the hair and fluid samples?"
Cop: "Oh yeah."
22,04 Sec.

Extended scene
0:37:50: Different lines in both versions.

Theatrical Version:

Cop: "Watch out, in the back there's a baby mouse and a used condom. Really gross."


Unrated:

Cop: "We found a deer vagina."
Allen: "Oh...what?!"
Cop: "Thought it was human lips at first and then we took a closer look, it was definitely a deer vagina."
The Unrated runs 3,6 Sec. longer

Extended scene
0:41:11: Before Terry calls for Allen, the Unrated is longer.

Terry: "Allen?"
Hal: "He's fine. Question. What would you rather be, a bear or a dog?"
Terry: "I don't care."
Hal: "I wanna be a bear-dog. Half dog, half bear. Cause that way I could live in a house but I still get to make a duty out in the woods."
28,88 Sec.

Extended scene
0:48:10: Allen talks about a fight with Sheila.

Allen: "Look, I'm sorry. I just...I'm... I'm in a bit of a state today. Sheila and I got into it last night."
Terry: "What happened?"
Allen: "She was interested in taking this class at The Learning Annex, right? Called "The Art of Oral Sex". You know, we just don't have it in the budget right now. It's...it's always about her."
Terry: "Yeah, that's...that's messed up."
30,48 Sec.

Additional scene
1:03:27: Terry can't forget Francine so he visits her at work. Not having an eye for the art pieces he makes a mistake putting his wine glass on a coffee table.

Artist: "Whoa, actually we don't do that here. This is an installation art piece."
Terry: "This coffee table?"
Artist: "Yes, we don't put drinks on it."
Terry: "500.000?!"
Artist: "He can read. Congratulations."
Terry: "What?"
Artist: "I'm sorry, are you in the right place or not?"

Terry shows his badge, he artist scrams and Francine comes over.

Francine: "Terry. What are you doing here?"
Terry: "I wanna be with you."
Francine: "No, Terry, that's not gonna happen."
Terry: "You know where you belong. On top of me in the Poconos. Instead, you're here, selling dirty coffee tables? I mean, look at this, this is nonsense."
Francine: "Terry, this is an original Haverfield-Jameson. The chaos of the coffee table? It represents our fractured egos."
Terry: "You think I don't know about this artsy-fartsy crap? This coffee table isn't the ego, it represents our shattered sense of community in the face of capitalist-driven isolation. Looks like the work of Cindy Sherman or Frank Stella."
Francine: "How did you know that, Terry?"
Terry: "I took some classes at RISD so I could make fun of these lame artsy douches in my neighborhood."
Francine: "Terry, lower your voice!"
Terry: "I don't have to lower my voice--"
Francine's Boss: "Is this man bothering you, Francine?"
Terry: "Are you actually having sex with this creep?!"
Francine: "Terry...he's gay, okay? He's even wearing a T-shirt that says 'I'm gay.' Alright, and also, he's my boss.''"
Terry: "Happy for you, man. Good. Can you get out of here now? I'm talking to my lady."
Francine: "Mr. Reger, everything is fine. Terry is actually leaving now."
Francine's Boss: "Nice toot, sailor. Jesus."
Francine: "Terry, what are you doing? Look, I waited three years for you to be more than a cop, okay?"
Terry: "Just give me one more year."
Francine: "Terry, you don't get another year. I'm done."
Terry: "Fine." (Terry takes the fork off the coffee table and puts it somewhere else, causing people around him to scream in panic.)
Francine: "Terry, don't touch that! Terry!"
Terry: "I don't need this shit! I don't need you! And when you call me, I'm not coming back!"
Francine's Boss: "Oh boy! Over the top!" (They start to judge his acting.)
Artist: "How outré!"
Terry: "I'll burn this bitch down to the ground!"
Artist: "Uhh, fresh, energetic!"
Francine's Boss: "Oh, I love his rawness!"
Terry: "Stop critiquing me, okay?! I'm a human being, I am not a piece of art!"
Artist: "Yes, you are."
Francine's Boss: "Bravo!"
Terry: "I'm a peacock flying into a rainbow!"
Artist: "Yes! Yes!!"
173,08 Sec.

Extended scene
1:09:24: Dirty Mike tries to get Allen and Terry to partake in the car orgy.

Allen: "Oh, you're not going anywhere near that Prius, okay?"
Dirty Mike: "Here's what we're talking about. We're talking about a bunch of hobos with fingers in each other's pooper in a stranger's car with talk radio playing really loud. It's gonna be a nice evening."
Allen: "Well, we're not participating in that. We have no interest."
Dirty Mike: "Let me rephrase it. We got a jar of old mustard, and we got a poodle and we're just gonna get in there and we're gonna put some D's in some A's."
27,36 Sec.

Extended scene
1:13:33: Allens speech is longer.

Terry: "No!"
Allen: "You borrow a little jacket, you go? You take your lunch 'cause you got big boy pants on? You got your big boy pants and your snack? I could say big loud things! I could be demonstrative!"
13,68 Sec.

Extended scene
1:28:26: The Unrated has a much longer getaway scene. Two gangsters get in the car and while Terry drives, Allen fights hem, bites one in the ass and is nearly decapitated. In thhe end they manage to get both gangsters out of the car.

The Theatrical Version only shows shots of the car as well as Wesley and his crew.
67,36 Sec.

Alternative footage
1:34:06:

Theatrical Version: "And then afterward, lick the sweat from each other."

Unrated: "And then afterward, lick the sex from each other."

The Theatrical Version runs 0,68 Sec. longer

Alternative footage
1:34:40:

Theatrical Version: "She says she wants to unplug all the clocks and the phones and wants to have a three-day sex-marathon. She wants to walk wrong for a week because you guys did it so hard."

Unrated: "She says she wants to unplug all the clocks and the phones and wants to have a three-day f-marathon. She wants to walk wrong for a week because you guys f so hard."

The Theatrical Version runs 1,08 Sec. longer

Extended scene
1:37:23: A little gag that needs the context of a previous extension to make sense.

Ershon: "Is it me or does it smell like deer vagina in here?"
Allen: "My poor car..."
5,72 Sec.

Extended scene
1:46:26: The unrated shows a meeting between Terry Allen and Derek Jeter, the baseball player Terry shot at.

Jeter: "Hey, hey. You think you broke this Ershon case open? You did nothing. Corporate lobbyists are spending millions to make sure guys like Ershon keep doing what they do."
Terry: "Derek Jeter?"
Jeter: "Yeah, it's me. You were set up that night you shot me, Terry."
Terry: "I told you!"
Jeter: "They knew by putting someone like you with a quick trigger finger next to that door where I do my pre-game walk, it'd end up bad. Bad for both of us. Now, I've been doing my own investigation on the banking industry, and I was close. I was real close. So I forgive you, Terry."
Terry: "I appreciate that, man. I'm sorry about what happened. I'm glad you're doing better."
Jeter: "The whole damn system is clogged up with dirty money. And the news doesn't say a word about it. 'Cause who owns them? The same corporations that own the government. Courts and the law is all we have left. So here's you guys' next case. Guy by the name of Carl Bachand, CEO of Killister Bank. He took three billions in TARP funds. He's crooked. He's real crooked. Take him down, but be careful. He's got Blackwater mercenaries 24/7."
Terry: "Thanks, Derek. Hey Derek! Wait! What if we need to get in touch with you, get some more information or some tickets or something? What just happened?"
89,32 Sec.

Alternative footage
1:53:32: A joke is told after the credits. Allen is not amused and also interrupts Terry several times in the Unrated. Also, the joke is dirty in the Unrated.

Theatrical Version:
Terry: "That was you. You don't have a sense of humor."
Allen: "I do... I have a wonderful sense of humor. If you say something funny, I'll laugh."
Terry: "All right, I'm gonna tell you the best joke in the world. We'll see if you laugh."
Allen: "Please. I love jokes."
Terry: "All right. There was these two guys, all right, partners, best friends. Going moose hunting."
Allen: "Right."
Terry: "Looking around. Everywhere they look, there's no moose. The guy's like, "You know what? We gotta split up. You go this way, you go that way.""
Allen: "Right."
Terry: "Next thing you know, they lose sight of each other. All of a sudden, the guy hears some rumbling in the bushes."
Allen: "Sure."
Terry: "He starts heading over that way. Out comes his friend in his orange suit. He's like, "Don't shoot. I'm not a moose." And the guy readies his weapon, points it right at his face, and boom! Shoots the guy. So the guy runs over, he goes, "What are you doing? I told you I wasn't a moose." And the guy goes, "I thought you said you were a moose.""
Allen: "But he's not a moose."


Unrated:
Terry: "That was you. You don't have a sense of humor."
Allen: "I do... I have a wonderful sense of humor. If you say something funny, I'll laugh."
Terry: "All right, I'm gonna tell you a great joke."
Allen: "Please. I love jokes."
Terry: "All right. Little boy on his 13th birthday. It's time to get laid."
Allen: "Already feels inappropriate."
Terry: "So he goes to the lady at the whorehouse, he goes, "Miss, look, I know usually you want money, but I don't have any money and it's my birthday. Do you think I could have sex with you for this duck?"
Allen: "Was he a farmer?"
Terry: "No."
Allen: "That's probably a Health Code violation, bringing a duck into a place of prostitution."
Terry: "They weren't gonna have sex with the duck."
Allen: "No, I just mean Health Code violation to have the duck brought into a facility like that."
Terry: "So, anyway, she says, "Yes, I'll do it.". So he goes in there, gives it to her."
Allen: "He gives her what?"
Terry: "The high, hard one! She loves it. She goes, "You know what? If you do that again, I'll give you your duck back." It's like getting laid twice for free."
Allen: "So...I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. The duck is payment for sexual intercourse."
Terry: "Yes. Yes."
Allen: "Very good."
Terry: "He used the duck as payment, and now he's being paid back the duck. He goes, "Oh my God, this is the greatest birthday ever." He does it again. Now he's walking home, right? Walking..."
Allen: "So she was satisfied with duck. With a duck as currency..."
Terry: "Yes."
Allen: "...to her. Great. Good."
Terry: "So he's walking home, now he can't wait to get home to tell his father. Right? He's walking down the street with the duck, and all of a sudden, voom, truck comes by and runs over his duck."
Allen: "Kills the duck?"
Terry: "Killed the duck."
Allen: "So the duck is now dead."
Terry: "The duck is dead. The kid starts crying, truck driver stops, he's all upset, he didn't mean..."
Allen: "Of course he's crying! He's a 13-year-old boy who's just had sex, twice, and he watched his beloved duck die."
Terry: "Will you shut up and let me tell the story?"
Allen: "So far, I don't know how this is ever gonna be funny."
Terry: "The guy feels so bad about killing the duck, he gives him two dollars."
Allen: "And the kid's happy with the two bucks?"
Terry: "He's ecstatic! He got laid twice, and now he's got two dollars on top of it."
Allen: "Seems like a duck would be worth a lot more than two dollars."
Terry: "This was a while back. So he goes home, his dad goes, "What happened? What happened? Tell me! Tell me!" He goes, "Dad, I got a fuck for the duck, I got a duck for the fuck, and I got two bucks for a fucked-up duck!""
Allen: "So, it's like a limerick."
Terry: "You didn't think that was funny?"
Allen: "I thought it was entertaining at the end, sure, the way all the words were put together, but in terms of content? No."
The Unrated runs 112,96 Sec. longer