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Brutal Massacre: A Comedy

Mikey: Collector's Edition

The Curse of the Mummy's Tomb

Split Second

Ex, The (aka Fast Track)


  • PG-13
  • Unrated
Release: Oct 02, 2011 - Author: Buster - Translator: Sebbe - external link: IMDB
Tom Reilly has everything the heart could wish for, a job as a soon-to-be chef in a luxury restaurant in New York and a beautiful woman who will soon give birth to a baby. But everything is about to change when hotheaded Tom pours ketchup over the owner of the restaurant in the heat of the moment, so he loses his job. Now the young family is forced to leave New York, they move to Ohio so that Tom can work in the ad agency of his father-in-law. There he gets to know Chip Sanders, the ex of his wife, who gives him a hard time.

The film was released in the USA in two different versions: as PG-13 DVD and as genre-typical Unrated DVD.

The two US versions differ a lot: in the Unrated version are missing scenes which are contained in the PG-13 version. The other way around, the Unrated version contains scenes which are missing in the PG-13 version. Surprisingly the PG-13 version is longer in total than the Unrated version. Moreover there are almost no new explicit scenes in the Unrated version. Just the scene in which the protagonist dreams of his mother-in-law in a cheerleader dress telling him to follow her and then watching his wife having sex with his competitor could be counted as an explicit scene which was maybe too much for the American PG-13 rating. But this can also be doubted for there isn't shown any bare skin.

- 9 additional scenes in the PG-13 version, total runtime 13 minutes and 24 seconds
- 12 additional scenes in the Unrated version, total runtime 8 minutes and 34 seconds

Compared are the US PG-13 DVD and the US Unrated DVD.
Additional scene in the Unrated version
Alternatively the Unrated version has opening credits.
1 Min. 53 Sec.

Additional scene in the PG-13 version
Sofia and Tom think about names for their unborn child.

Sofia: "Alan"?
Tom: No
Sofia: "Christopher"?
Tom: No
Sofia: "Leonard." That's cute.
Tom: That's so cute! We have a little fat kid that likes internet porn.
Sofia: What about "Hans"?
Tom: What about "Adolf"? That's great. It rings, rolls off the tongue.
Sofia: "Charles." It's a classic. You can't find anything wrong with "Charles."
Tom: Are you kidding me? Do you know what the nickname for "Charles" is?
Sofia: What?
Tom: "Chucky." How am I supposed to fall asleep with a little red-haired toddler named "Chucky" sleeping in the next room?

22 Sec.

The following short conversation is missing too.

Tom: Just look at me, all right? What's the first name that pops into your head?
Sofia: "Doofus." Okay, you go. First name that pops into your head.
Tom: "Boobies."
Sofia: You want to name our child "Boobies"?
Tom: I'm saying that I'm open to it.

18 Sec.

Sofia, who didn't want a peridural anesthesia at first, changes her opinion when the next travail starts and she wants Tom to get a anesthesiologist immediately. Tom finds one at the reception, but he has already finished his shift. So to lure him into his wife's room, Tom steals the car keys of the doctor who then follows him into the room where Sofia lies. After Sofia feels better again, Tom asks the anesthesiologist for a name for the child for they have not yet found one. So they name the newborn Oliver.

Sofia: Tom's self-conscious 'cause his peep has a little curve to it. But it still works, right?
Tom: What are you two giggling about?
Sofia: Your cute little curve.
Nurse: I'll get you another pillow.
Tom: Babe, please don't talk about my curve. My curve is private.
Sofia: Sweetie, she's our delivery nurse. Eventually, she's going to see my vagina and most likely watch me poop.
Tom: What now?
Sofia: Most women poop at some point during the birth. I told you that.
Tom: No, no, I'm pretty sure I would remember that.
Nurse: So which way does it curve?
Tom: Don't answer that.
Sofia: Left.
Tom: It's actually right. It's just her left.
Sofia: You look more nervous than I am. It's most natural thing in the world. Women have been doing this for thousands and thousands of AAAHHHHHH! What the hell was that?
Nurse: I told you those contractions were gonna get stronger. But don't worry. You still have some time before they get real nasty.
Sofia: That wasn't nasty?
Tom: That wasn't nasty?
Nurse: Hell, no.
Sofia: Tom, I think I changed my mind. I want the drugs.
Tom: Now? I could probably score you some weed.
Nurse: Sofia, you turned down the epidural, and the anesthesiologist is in surgery now.
Tom: Baby, what about all the research?
Sofia: Screw the research. Get me the drugs.

Tom: I'm sorry. I was told the black bald guy at the counter was always trying to "get some" is an anesthesiologist. Is that you?
Anesthesiologist: That is me but I'm going home in just a second.
Tom: Can I just talk to you for --. My wife turned down her epidural, and now she regrets it. She's in a lot of pain.
Anesthesiologist: I'm very sorry, but you're gonna have to speak to one of the anesthesiologists that are on-call. I'm just gonna get out of here, because in a few minutes I'm gonna crack.

Tom: Honey, I found one.
Sofia: Can you please get me an epidural?

Sofia: Ah, much better. Thank you so much.
Anesthesiologist: All right, you can take him away. Trying to steal a brothers Hummer.
Tom: Please forgive me.
Sofia: There must be something we can do.
Tom: Babe, we still don't have a name for our son. What's your name?
Anesthesiologist: Hakim.
Tom: What's your last name?
Anesthesiologist: Oliver.

3 Min. and 8 Sec.

Additional scenes in the Unrated version
Sofia and Tom talk about Ohio, their new home.

Tom: I think Ohio will be the best place to raise a baby. We have your parents to help us out.
Sofia: You always said you didn't want to work in an office.
Tom: But now all I care about is taking care of you and him. Okay? Besides I think advertising will be a pretty great job to have, right? Think of ideas all day long,
get paid for it? We could have a house and a car.

Sofia: It would be a lot quieter. We could have a yard.
Tom: That's what I'm talking about, baby you, me, Ollie, chillin' in our yard with our cows.
Sofia: I could bake pies every day.
Tom: You know how to bake a pie? How come you never made me a pie?

48 Sec.

After the arrival in Ohio Amelia, Sofia's mother, tells them about the Argentinian family which recently moved into the neighborhood.

Sofia: Mom, what's with all the Spanish?
Bob: This is your mother's new crusade.
Amelia: Oh, it's not a crusade Mr. Cynical. Nancy Hodgekiss told me about this family that just moved here from Argentina. So I thought there must be something I could do to help. So I'm teaching them English.

23 Sec.

At dinner Bob tells that he has chosen Chip Sanders, the ex of Sofia, to be Tom's trainer.

Tom: Who's Chip Sanders?
Amelia: Sofia never told you about Chip?
Sofia: He's just this guy I went to highschool with.
Bob: Eat up, Tom. You got 20 more chickens in there

10 Sec.

Bob explains the company philosophy. In the Sunburst ad agency free spirit and humanity is what counts.

Bob: Don Wollebin taught us that every company is a multi-mind organism. Do you know what an organism is, Tom?
Tom: Sure. An organism is a living thing
Bob: Is it, Tom? What about a person
Tom: A person's a living thing.
Bob: Forgive me, Tom, but that's a pretty old-fashioned way of looking at things. See, here at Sunburst we treat people like people, not like things.
Tom: Oh.
Bob: Don't worry about it. It took me a while to get my mind around it as well.

31 Sec.

Additional scene in the PG-13 version
Chip has invited Tom to do some sport but he comes too late so Chip "reprimands" him.
They start playing basketball. Tom who's concerned about playing basketball with wheelchair users gets calmed by Chip. The team would be used to play with people who aren't disabled. So the new one gets assigned to the Colonel, a war veteran. The whole game is pretty rough regarding Tom. When he gets the chance to decide the game at the end at a 10:10 score, he gets fouled by Chip and he falls out of the wheelchair. While falling, he scores a basket and so they win. Unfortunately he makes the mistake of standing up and he gets unmasked, which was the plan of Chip. The Colonel isn't excited about the fact that a non-paralyzed person plays basketball with a wheelchair basketball team.

Chip: You know, Tom, when I told you to meet me at the gym at 7:45, I didn't mean 47
Tom: I'm so sorry, Chip. Listen, I think I have a really cool idea for the Pickle Whip campaign. Last night --
Chip: Okay, you know what? First of all, I need you to calm down. 'Cause today's not for work ideas. Today is for bonding. We're gonna exercise together like men. Do you know how to ecercise like a man, Tom?
Tom: I'm guessing there won't be any Pilates.
Chip: Of course there won't be any Pilates, Tom. I've got wheels for legs. Okay. I can never do Pilates, no matter how super you and your little sissy friends think it is. We're gonna play basketball.

Tom: Chip, no.
Chip: Tom, yes. I already told the guys you were gonna join us. You're gonna love it.
Tom: I don't feel comfortable doing that, man. I'm sorry
Chip: Oh, come on. What do you mean "comfortable"? We do this all the time with able-bodied guys. You'll have fun.
Tom: Well, if they're all cool with it.
Chip: Absolutely, they're cool with it. Are you cool with it? Are you down? Come on, get in and saddle up. The rules are basically the same, except for the dribbling.
Okay? Player in possession of the ball may not push his chair more than twice in succession with one or both hands in either direction without first tapping the ball to the floor again, okay? Basically, two consecutive pushes constitutes a traveling violation. You got that, right? Oh, and don't move your legs at all during the game. The players consider that poor etiquette. All right, listen. I'm gonna play with Eddie. New guy, you get the colonel

Tom: Colonel?

Colonel: You any good?
Tom: No.
Colonel: Can you shoot?
Tom: No.
Colonel: Fast in that chair?
Tom: Slow.
Colonel: Good at defense?
Tom: I'm more of a beginner.
Colonel: I like you
Tom: Thank you.
Colonel: You're honest. I don't like fakers. I DON'T LIKE FAKERS
Tom: Nobody likes a faker, sir.
Colonel: Just try your best. Keep your hands in off the guardrails or somebody could come along and smash them! Game on, guys!

Chip: Okay 10-10, game point.
Colonel: Go, kid!
Tom: A-ha-ha! In your face!
Chip: Guys, his leg just moved.
Colonel: You can walk?
Tom: I think there must be a little bit of a misunderstanding. Chip, can you --
Chip: Ooh-ooh, looks like trouble.

Chip: In my defense, I was able to pry you from the colonel's death grip about five seconds after you blacked out.
Tom: Thank you so much, Chip
Chip: Don't you mention it. You're my dawg. Let's go take a shower. Did you bring any shampoo?
Tom: No, I -- oh my God!
Chip: And, Tom, it's okay to look at him. He likes it. Don't you?

5 Min. and 5 Sec.

Additional scene in the Unrated version
Additional shot of the presentation of the new Pickle Whip ad campaign with Don Wollebin.

Manny: The rollercoaster comes down the hill. Smash cut to this guy. "I am going so fast! Wow" And a brief shot of his buddies. Wait a minute. This can only go one direction -- "Whoaaaa"! Rolls right into a pile of Pickle Whip. Tagline: "Get whipped!"
Bob: I think that's really neat.
Don: Hmm. That feels like a commercial.
Bob: Exactly.
Don: Who here likes commercials? Nobody likes commercials.
Bob: You know, that's true too.
Don: We need a new slogan around here -- "No commercials."

1 Min. and 17 Sec.

Additional scene in the PG-13 version
When the new ad campaign is presented to the producer and Tom gets lured into a trap by Chip, he tries to explain a misunderstanding.

Jack: Have you talked to Chris about the penetration strategy?
Tom: Chris?
Jack: Chris Caldwell, director of market research.
Tom: Oh "Chris" Chris. Yes. I talked to him this morning. He loves it.
Jack: Chris Caldwell is a woman.
Tom: Yes. It's a litle joke we have. Everybody calls Chris a "he" because she looks like a man. She had a little mustache. But it's gone. She waxed it. She looks great. If you guys see her you gotta tell her how good she looks 'cause we're all... we're all proud of her.

8 Sec.

Additional scenes in the Unrated version
Carol, a colleague, tries to comfort Tom while they're taking a drink in a bar. She tells him that he won't be fired although he assumed the mother of a client to be a man.

Carol: Don't get your undies in a bunch. You're not gonna get fired. Look, first of all, word on the street is that Jack Connor is like a total alcoholic He's not gonna remember he met you..
Tom: I can't lose this job. I promised my wife.
Carol: You can't drive yourself crazy trying to please your wife. You gotta relax.
Tom: Yeah, I do.
Carol: Right.
Tom: And the thing is, I don't give a shit about tartar sauce. Who cares about tartar sauce, you know? I mean, I don't want to be one of those people obsessing about things that don't matter.
Carol: Yes! When you get fired you're gonna be able to start from scratch.
Tom: You said I wasn't gonna get fired.
Carol: Whatever.

39 Sec.

Conversation of Sofia and Tom in the car.

Sofia: I know starting a job can be really stressful but you know you can talk to me about it.

8 Sec.

Tom has a nightmare in which he arrives at the house of his parents-in-law and sees some cheerleaders going in. Inside, his mother-in-law asks him to follow her upstairs. He meets his colleagues there who are cheering for Chip, sitting in the wheelchair, while he has sex with Sofia.
1 Min. and 14 Sec.

Extended scene in the PG-13 version
The conversation of Tom and his colleague Manny, in which he tells him that he just completed a marriage counselor seminar, is longer.

Manny: I thought it'd be a great way to meet women and men.
Tom: Oh, wow. I guess that increases your odds, huh?
Manny: Yeah, I like having sex with women, but men are better cuddlers. You know what I mean?
Tom: Sure. Sure I do. Well, at this point, Manny, I would try anything. I love my wife so much, but I don't even know how to talk to her anymore. You know? How am I supposed to tell her I'm miserable when she's so happy here.

23 Sec.

Additional scenes in the Unrated version
Tom who had a quarrel with Wesley, a boy from the neighborhood, sends Sofia to clear that up. He observes that from the bedroom window.

Tom: And now they're gonna make me out to be the bad guy. Unbelievable

10 Sec.

Chip visits Amelia and Bob and pretends to be worried. Bob got fired recently because of a fire in the office which was accidentally caused by Tom.

Amelia: Here you go.
Chip: Thank you so much. You know, Bob, I have to tell you, that when I first heard the news, I couldn't help it. I cried.
Bob: Bless you, Chip. I've been going to that place for so long, I'll probably go back tomorrow out of instinct.
Amelia: Chip, you should stay for dinner.
Chip: Wouldn't want to intrude.
Amelia: You wouldn't be intruding.
Chip: Sofia. Didn't know you were here.

38 Sec.

Additional scene in the PG-13 version
When Tom confronts Chip, a fight between them begins. Tom notices that Chip is able to walk. Moreover Chip speaks badly about Sofia and he explains that he's planning to have sexual intercourse with her.

Tom: You know, what the worst part is for me, Chip? You're a horrible person. I mean, there is just nobody worse. And yet, because of what you had to deal with being in that chair, I actually still feel guilty for hating you.
Chip: You know what I hate most about you, Tom? It's not your gay voice. You probably thought I was gonna say your gay voice.
Tom: Actually, no. But thank you.
Chip: It's that you're weak. I've defeated you in every possible way. I neutered you at work. I've turned your in-laws against you, and I'd say I'm at most three days away from mounting your slutty wife again and you've got the gall to pity me.
Tom: Yeah. I guess I do.
Chip: Don't. It's a miracle. He can stand.
Tom: I knew it!
Chip: Get off of me!
Tom: And you banged my wife with that giant, uncircumcised anteater!
Chip: Can't breathe, Tom.
Tom: Why the hell would you spend your life pretending tp be paralyzed? What's wrong with you?
Chip: You ever try to park at the mall during christmas? Or do you have any idea how much easier it is to get sympathy sex when you can't walk?
Tom: You're a sociopath.
Chip: Don't get the wrong idea. I actually needed that chair for a while. When I was 14, I got into a surprisingly violent Hacky Sack accident. Then a few weeks later, I came out here for high school, and decided I'd milk it a little bit.
Tom: Do you think I'm not gonna tell everyone that's ever meet you, you freak?
Chip: You just threw an innocent handicapped guy down the stairs. No one's gonna believe you.

2 Min. and 10 Sec.

Additional scene in the Unrated version
The conversation of Sofia and her mother in which Sofia tells something about being a bad mother and wife. Amelia can finally calm her down and they hug each other.

Sofia: Don't cry, Mom. I don't even know how to take care of my own family.
Amelia: What are you talking about? Of course you do.
Sofia: No, I don't. You always knew what to do. You made it look so easy. I thought I could just copy you. But I just -- I can't figure out. I don't know what I'm doing.
Amelia: No honey, nobody knows what they're doing. There's nothing to figure out.
Sofia: Right.
Amelia: It's okay, honey. Mommy's here.

43 Sec.

Additional scene in the PG-13 version
Chip, who's on the way to Spain, gets hit by a bus in front of the restaurant.

Tom: Good luck to you, Chip.
Chip: Good luck to me? I don't need luck, Tom. You need the luck. You're the sorry idiot that's gonna be stuck living in Ohio the rest of your life, working in the most boring ad agency in the world. I'm going to Spain. Spain Tom! Spain! I'm taking this little walk-n-roll show on tour! Yeah! They're not going to see what hit them! You know what I mean?

32 Sec.

The family is happily back in New York and the first commercial of the company Tom set up gets recorded.

Wesley: The folks at Lion's Pride were all set to spend tons of money to try and get you to eat their new hamburger spread Pickle Whip. They even went so far as to hire pro skater Tony Hawk to put on a pickle costume and do rad skateboarding tricks. The only Problem was, once Tony was in his pickle costume, he couldn't see very well. To be honest, it's just tartar sauce on a hamburger. But i gotta tell you, it tastes really good.
Director: And cut! Great job, Wesley.
Tom: What did you think, Bob?
Bob: I love it. It's honest, no bullshit, and the kid's a natural.
Tom to Wesley: Take five, buddy.
Wesley: Come on, babe. I'll be in my trailer.
Bob: Somebody should get that girl some pants.
Tom: Listen, Bob, I cannot thank you enough for flying out here to help me start my own company.
Bob: You're an ad man, Tom, and you're fabulous.

1 Min. and 18 Sec.

Additional scene in the PG-13 version
During the end credits of the Unrated version Chip Sanders arrival in Spain is shown.

Chip: - Hola, Señor. Dónde está rampo, Señor? Señor, hola?
- Chip Sanders, new creative director. I need to get inside the building.
- Do you see I've broken both my legs? Is that tough to see?
- Guess what? Old Chipperoo's gonna take care of things himself.
- This is what a man who needs help looks like. Don't worry. Are you late for an appointment or something?
- Is that what it is? You must be late.
- How about this door? Can I just get this one?
- There's no mistake at all. Sir, I work on the fourth floor. It's Chip Sanders.
- Please don't break my arms too. Just lift me up and place me back in my chair.

No runtime difference