Compared are the Theatrical Version and the Extended Version (both available on the UK Blu-ray by Universal)
- 19 differences, among them 6 with alternate footage
- Length difference: 1128.2 sec (= 18:48 min)
After Ted, A Million Ways to Die in the West is the second motion picture by Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane. The "Seth typical" humor is still the same but this time, the master himself is the lead while he "only" was the voice actor of Ted in his previous motion picture. At his side, he has gathered some famous people such as Charlize Theron, Amanda Seyfried, Neil Patrick Harris, Sarah Silverman and Liam Neeson.
The box office result was not as good as it was for Seth's previous motion picture though but it was still profitable. "A Million Ways to Die in the West" was probably a matter close to Seth's heart anyway and making a huge profit wasn't on top of his agenda. But with Ted 2, he is going to make big bucks soon. Even though there are a few hiccups and e.g. Neeson's performance is almost entirely humorless, every fan of Seth's work should have fun with this picture. As expected, the home release is part of the reason. Apart from a lot of bonus features, a 19 minutes longer Extended Cut is also available and that is what the following comparison is about.
By the way, there are more deleted scenes in the bonus features and the director's commentary of the Extended Version makes it crystal clear that Seth expecte more than the additional 19 minutes in the Extended Version.
Similar to Ted, the picture was already rated R in theaters. That means the Theatrical Version was already spared from the alterations common for the US - one shouldnt expect any nudity anyway because of the famous actresses and that would probably have been the only issue the MPAA could have had. The additional footage of the Extended Version basically consists of more plot plus little moments that illustrate the cuts for theaters were only made for pace reasons. Bill Maher's longer stand-up performance should be pointed out here.
All in all, an episodic course of gags can be noticed - similar to Family Guy. Fans should be familiar with that and it is probably appreciated but this also means for the Extended Version: contentwise, the additional footage is rather superfluous and the Theatrical Version pretty much hits the nail on the head. But then again, one gets to see that for instance the dating scene right after Albert's break-up at the beginning of the movie serve a dramaturgical purpose. This goes for Clinch's trick to always shoot on two which is being revealed on purpose during the held up at the beginning of the movie and also being mentioned by Anna at the end. Other than that, there are a few very nice gags that really make watching the Extended Version worth it.
Time index refers to
Theatrical VersionBlu-ray / Extended Version Blu-ray
05:52 / 05:52-07:42
Edward approaches Albert lying on the ground and the Sheriff arrives as well. Albert argues with him that he does not do his job right because he does not intervene in a dispute like that. Subsequently, Albert does to Dr. Harper who has just finished a bloody surgery for rather harmless health problems.
Edward: "Albert. Albert, are you okay, man? Oh, God."
Albert: "It's just a... A graze, I think."
Sheriff: "You all right, Albert?"
Albert: "Oh, hey, Sheriff. Hey, listen. Thanks a lot. I really appreciate you stepping in and stopping this deadly altercation going on right in front of your office. That's great."
Sheriff: "Not my place to intervene, Albert. I think a man ought to fight his own battles."
Albert: "You're the Sheriff."
Sheriff: "That's right."
Albert: "So the one thing we're paying you to do, like, the one function you have in town, you're saying everyone else should do it?"
Sheriff: "Go see Dr. Harper about that foot."
Dr. Harper is busy with an open abdomen wound, Albert arrives: "Hey, Dr. Harper!"
Dr. Harper: "Hello! Albert, how are you?"
Albert: "Hey, Doc, listen, I was... Holy shit."
Dr. Harper: "Oh, don't worry about this. I'm just in the middle of surgery."
Albert: "I can come back if, uh..."
Dr. Harper: "No, no, no. She's gonna be out for quite a while. Mrs. Callaghan. The poor woman, her stomach devil was about to explode. I had to take it out."
Albert: "Her appendix?"
Dr. Harper (while his cat is feeding from the abdomen as well): "That's the fella. Well, what's your trouble?"
Albert: "Uh, it's a bullet graze. I just need it checked out."
Dr. Harper: "Yeah, I heard you turned yellow on Charlie Blanche. Let's... Let's have a look."
He reaches into the wound and Albert points out: "You're, uh... You're not big on the hand-washing, are you?"
Dr. Harper: "Ooh, that is a nasty one. We may have to take that off, otherwise you might wind up with a case of toe-foot."
Albert: "Okay, I don't think that's a real thing, and second of all, it's a graze, Doc. I'm not gonna let you take my foot off."
Dr. Harper: "Well, suit yourself. But I've seen toe-foot turn into knee-leg in less than a week."
Alberts: "Just a dressing, thanks."
Meanwhile, the cat lays paws on the insides.
25:39 / 27:29-33:07
After Edward gave Albert a pep talk, a long scene follows. It is the following day. Albert talks to a girl in a little shop. He intends to offer her the new invention bubble gum before he asks her for a date - which she rejects, given his performance at the beginning of the movie.
Three actual dates follow: on the first date, the girls gets confused by the quesions about her dad. The second one is with a little girl. And the last woman is a bit too intrusive. At the end of the day, the scene leads to Albert finding out that his mom is dead.
Subsequently, the funeral during which Edward makes some stupid comments, the dad does not react very emotional and two pistoleros put their bodies in the same coffin.
Albert: "You looking at cloth?"
Albert: "Hey, um, you ever tried gum?"
Albert (while grabbing a piece of bubble gum): "It's cool, actually. It's this new thing that just came out. A lot of people are doing it. It's, um... Helps you pass the time."
Girl: "Okay. Well, have a good rest of your day."
Albert: "No, I'm sorry. Listen... I'm a little out of practice here. That's why I'm coming off awkward. I would love to take you out. Are you busy Sunday? Are you doing anything Sunday?"
Girl: "You know, I don't... I don't really know my plans yet."
Albert: "Well, 'cause they're gonna be delivering a big block of ice into town, and it should be pretty cool to watch, actually. You don't usually get to see that much ice all in one place at one time."
Girl: "Wait, aren't you the guy that backed out of that gunfight?"
Albert: "Yeah, I mean, that was like a mutual thing. It was... I don't remember which one of us said it first."
Girl: "It didn't look very mutual. You seemed to leave."
Albert: "Uh, so you were there?"
Girl: "Yeah. Pretty much the whole town was there."
Albert: "Whole town, wow. That's... Makes me a pretty popular guy.
Girl: "Yeah... No, it doesn't, actually. No."
Albert: "Yeah, like you're so popular."
Girl: "Actually, I was voted prom queen."
Albert: "Yeah, how many girls were in your class? Like three?"
Albert: "Oh, actually, that's a lot. Yeah."
Now, he is on a date with an Asian woman at the restaurant.
Albert: "So, tell me about your family. What do your parents do?"
Asian Woman: "Well, my dad owns a business that manufactures brass light fixtures for upscale hotels."
Albert: "Oh, wow, really?"
Asian Woman: "No, he's a fucking rail road builder, like every other Chinaman out here."
Albert: "Oh. Sorry. That first one was so specific, I thought... But I bet he's a neat guy, though, yeah?"
Asian Woman: "Gosh, I wouldn't know, I never see him. You know how many hours he works?"
Albert: "All the live-long day?"
She leaves angrily and he says: "Come on, it's a joke.
Next scene, the date with a little girl.
Albert: "So, um, I know this is totally acceptable out here on the frontier, but, uh, I'm not gonna lie to you, something about it feels a little weird."
Little girl: "My mother says I need to find a husband, so I don't become an old maid."
Albert rejects her: "I actually just remembered, I have a super early morning tomorrow. Uh, so I may have to split. Sir, can we get the check, please?"
Little girl: "Do you wanna reschedule for some time next week?"
Albert: "Uh, I can't... You know, I'm actually out of town next week. Yeah. I have a sheep convention that I have to go to in Santa Marga... it's a small town still being built. They haven't finished the name. But... I hate my schedule."
The waiter arrives: "Um, sir?" So, can I interest you and your girlfriend in some dessert?"
Albert defends himself: "Oh, this is not my girlfriend. Oh. We're fine though, thank you."
After the waiter left, she asks: "Why were you such a dick about that?"
Albert: "What? What did I say?"
Little girl: " 'She's not my girlfriend.' What, do I embarrass you or something?"
Albert: "No. This is a first date, though. I just think the word girlfriend is a bit much."
Little girl: "Well, excuse me. I'm sorry you're feeling smothered."
Albert: "I'm starting to see why you don't have a husband."
And the overeager girl that kisses Albert wildly.
Albert: "You got a lot of energy, don't you? Ow! What the hell? You just bit my tongue! Ow! Jesus! What the fuck is wrong with you?"
Girl: "Oh, come on, don't be a pussy."
Albert: "I'm not a pussy. I just don't like hitting. Ow! What the fuck!"
Girl: "Oh, are you ticklish? Oh, you are!"
Albert: "What do you mean? Ahh! No! God damn it!"
Girl: "Oh, you are!"
Albert: "No! Stop, stop. Evelyn, stop!"
He knocks over the lamp in the process which causes a small fire: "Oh, shit. Shit!"
His dad opens the window: "Albert, is that you?"
Albert: "Uh, yeah. Sorry, Dad."
His dad responds with a dry-witted statement: "Your mother died this afternoon."
Going on with the funeral, the preist reads out loud: "Merciful God, take this good woman into thine heavenly kingdom, where she may find peace and freedom from her earthly suffering. You know, Elsie Stark, she eschewed the pleasures of this earth."
Edward: "I'm really sorry, Albert."
Albert: "She had a full life. You know, when she was born, all of this was just dusty desert plain as far as the eye could see."
One gets to see that this is still the case actually while he goes on: "And now look at it. We got the sod house over there."
Edward: "You know, I've seen old photographs of that plain without the sod house, and it's really weird 'cause it's like you recognize it, but it's really different. But it's the same, but it's just really weird."
Priest: "She once bit a rattlesnake in two. When I asked why, she simply said, 'Well, I wanted to bite him before he bit me.' "
Albert: "Hey, how you doing, Dad? You okay?"
The dad answers unemotionally: "She was a good, solid woman. I liked her."
Albert: "Easy, Dad, I'm uncomfortable with so much emotion."
Dr. Harper: "I'm sorry I couldn't save her, Albert."
Albert: "She had a splinter, Doc, what the hell were you supposed to do?"
Pfarrer: "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust."
Two cowboys with dead bodies show up: "Hey, we got a couple more here."
#2: "Yeah, can we get in on this grave?"
Albert: "Yeah, sure. Yeah, go ahead."
They throw the bodies in the grave.
#1: "Much obliged."
338 sec (= 5:38 min) in total
25:55-26:08 / 33:23-33:31
Albert's conversation with Edward ends differently. Probably because Albert makes the icecube joke here which has already been used in the additional dating scene in the Extended Version.
In the Theatrical Version, Edward changes the subject: "Yep. Oh, by the way, they're delivering the town's ice shipment today. You want to go watch?"
Albert: "Oh, yeah, that'd be fun. It's always a thrill when you get to see that much ice all in one place."
Edward (before pointing at Louise): "Yeah, I think so, too. I'm really excited."
In the Extended Version, Edward responds to the previous subject instead: "Let me tell you something. When intellectual progress comes to a screeching halt 20 years from now, you can thank the stick hoop."
Albert reacts before pointing at Louise: "Yeah. That's about right."
Theatrical Version 5 sec longer
36:48 / 44:11-46:10
After Albert smashed a window with the mayor's leg and ran, there is an additional scene with him and Anna build up on previous events. They reach a stump and Albert explains how it is connected to the history of the town. The two of them get to know each other a little which makes Albert come up with several gags.
Albert: "Sorry about that."
Anna: "I assume this is why the town is called Old Stump."
Albert: "This is the very same stump in Old Stump. Yeah. When they built the town, they had to cut down this big tree and they couldn't move the stump. They didn't have any dynamite and they ran out of black guys, so they just had to leave it here, in the middle of the street."
Anna: "Well, why couldn't they just build the town 50 feet that way?"
Albert: "So, why would you come to the western frontier from Kansas City? I mean, this is a shithole out here."
Anna: "I don't know, I think it's kind of exciting. Everything's so new and unpredictable."
Albert goes to a bank with huge letters on its building and says sarcastically: "That is true. Yeah, nothing is what it seems out here. Like, see that building, right there? Like, what do you think is in there? Oh, my God. It could be anything. We don't know. This whole place has such an air of mystery about it."
Anna: "I'm getting the sense you're kind of a negative guy."
Albert: "Yes, I'm kind of a negative guy. Look where I live, for God's sake. By the way, here's a fun fact about the American West in 1882. You receive the same punishment if you're a horse thief or a retarded newborn."
Anna: "They hang retarded newborns?"
Albert: "Yep, as a warning to others. I shit you not."
Albert: "But it's not gonna be my problem anymore. I'm leaving tomorrow."
Anna: "You are? Where are you going?"
Albert: "San Francisco, civilization."
Anna: "Well, I guess you got to do what makes you happy, right?"
Albert: "Yeah, well, happy is a tall order, but, you know, this will at least make me not dead."
Anna: "Could it be you're also a guy with a broken heart?"
Albert: "Since you brought it up, can I unload all my shit on you?
42:45 / 52:07-53:14
When Albert and Anna are hanging out in front of the photographer, there is more dialog about what is a turn-off: for Anna, it is chewing tobacco and for Albert, it is when his date looks like her dad.
Anna: "So, we know what kinda girl you like. What kinda girl do you not like?"
Albert: "What do you mean?"
Anna: "Like, what's the worst quality for you in another person?"
Albert: "That's an interesting question."
Anna: "You know that deal-breaker thing that you just absolutely cannot tolerate. For me, it's tobacco chewing. I mean, I don't care how much a guy smokes, but if he chews, forget it. There's no way I'm kissing that. And he's definitely not going down on me."
Albert: "That's a beautiful sentiment. You should stitch that into a pillow."
Anna: "Oh, I have. It's all embroidered and fancy, and it says, 'Don't go snackin' if you've been tobaccin'.' "
Albert: "Yeah. That's... That's perfect."
Anna: "So, what about you?"
Albert: "All right, you're gonna think this is kinda fucked up because it is. Um, I can't handle it when a girl looks like her dad."
Anna: "Okay. That's..."
Albert: "Yeah. I know, I know."
Albert: "Because when I'm dating a girl and I meet her parents, and it turns out that she looks like him, and I see, like, all the matching facial features and the bone structure and what not. From then on, when I'm kissing her, I'm just very aware that I'm kissing the dad's facial geography, you know, and it just has a slightly gay feeling."
Anna: "I'm surprised your girlfriend left you."
46:35 / 57:04-57:15
After Albert's failed shot, the little girl Albert dated earlier in the Extended Version shows up.
The little girl's friend: "Didn't you date that guy?
Little girl: "Yeah, but it didn't work out. It was like I was dating my dad."
The little girl's friend: "Aren't you dating your dad now?"
Little girl: "Yeah."
The little girl's friend: "How's that going?"
Little girl: "Pretty good."
50:14 / 60:54-62:34
After the fair, Albert and Anna are marching across town. They wind up in Millie's cathouse. They are all sitting together and they are upset that one of the hookers was raped. The following discussion contains several gags that working in a cathouse is not that different.
Albert: "Hey, what's going on? Is everything all right?
Millie: "One of the girls was raped."
Albert: "Jesus. What happened?"
Anna: "Oh, my God."
Prostitute: "I walked in, and this rancher was just riding Becky like she was some kind of show pony."
Albert: "Oh, my God."
Anna: "That's terrible."
Albert: "Like, different from normal whorehouse sex?"
Anna: "I was just thinking the same thing. Did he not pay or something?"
Ruth: "She was on her lunch break. But he didn't wanna wait for her to finish her sandwich."
Edward: "Just goes to show you that women are never really completely safe from male aggression."
Ruth: "I mean, if a rape can happen here, it can happen anywhere."
Albert: "Yeah, I mean, probably more likely to happen here, but is she okay?"
Millie: "Doctor's with her now."
Albert: "Oh, God, I'm so sorry. This is Anna, by the way."
She welcomes him and says: "Listen, if there's anything we can do, just please, please let us know."
Albert: "Anything at all, yeah."
Anna: "We could send a card or something."
Prostitute: "If it were me, you know, I think... I mean, I would love something I could use. You know, like... Like milk."
Albert: "I mean, yeah, that's..."
Anna: "Sure. We can send milk."
Prostitute: "Oh, milk would be so nice."
Albert: "We'll send milk."