Comparison between the Theatrical Version (R-Rated) and the Unrated Version (both included on the US DVD released by Universal)
* 16 alternative scenes
* 1 re-cut
Difference: 183.9 sec (= 3:04 min)
So much potential! David Gordon Green - director of Pineapple Express - casted Danny McBride, James Franco, Natalie Portman, Zooey Deschanel, and Justin Theroux. The first two main actors were already a part of the previous stoner-movie and Miss Portman just won the oscar for Black Swan. The concept to satirize medieval fairy tales seemed to work quite well - at least in the Red Band-trailer (mind you, not only because of the main actress' naked behind).
However, the final movie was generally panned by most critics (no matter how much you liked the movie, you have to admit that Roger Ebert's review is quite true at times) and in fact actually is quite a crude product. As you can hear in the audio commentary, the producers didn't want to make a typical spoof-comedy-movie; still, the short moments of violence seem to be quite misplaced (not as in Pineapple Express) and the halfway serious story does not really carry the audience along. The few nice satirical approaches unfortunately get lost in the vast number of dirty jokes which will probably not even amuse those who dig such a humor.
My subjective conclusion: Rather stick to genre-classics such as Monty Python and the Holy Grail or Robin Hood: Men in Tights; if you want to, check out the director's previous movies or any other Apatow-comedy movie - or see main actor Danny McBride ins his best role as Kenny Powers in the awesome HBO-comedy series Eastbound & Down.
However, this report is not about judging the movie, so let's talk about the more important aspects...
Due to the major bomb at the box office, the movie only in the USA received a theatrical release. Just as usual, the Unrated remark on the front cover is supplemented by the sentence "too outrageous for theaters!" - and just as usual, this is complete nonsense: the R-Rated version is already pretty sturdy and the new material mostly just consists of rather uninteresting additions to the plot. The rape of the minotaur and a closer shot of a nude model can probably referred back to restrictions from the MPAA - however, these scenes are not that big of a deal. A few alternative sentences with a few more dirty words would probably be a reasonable alternative cut if the theatrical version was a PG-13 movie - however, here it rather seems to be a random addition and apparently is supposed to be more fun. Same goes for the 2 "new" effect shots.
All in all, you could prefer the unrated version (after all, it's included on the exact same DVD) because of the few more gags (which actually rank among the better part of the movie). However, the additions are overall rahter unspectactular.
Time designations are given as follows:
Theatrical Version (NTSC) / Unrated Version (NTSC)
05:14-05:24 / 05:14-05:40
Towards teh end, the scene is a little longer in the Unrated version.
Thadeous: "Why must I bathe just because Fabious..."
Tallious: "Because you smell like the underside of a sheep's scrotum. God, if your mother could see you now."
Thadeous: "Why must I bow to greet him? No one does anything special for me when I do extraordinary things."
Tallious: "And what extraordinary things have you done of late? Do tell me. Enlighten me."
Thadeous: "Courtney, what extraordinary things have I done?
Courtney nimmt eine Liste hervor; "You took a bubble bath, ate some toast, had a sleep for one hour, and commissioned a naked statue of your fine self."
Thadeous looks quite proud and then Tallious comments (onscreen): "God, if your mother could see you now."
Unrated Version 15.8 sec longer
08:26-08:29 / 08:42-09:02
After the mentioning of Courtney's new haircut, Thadeous in the Unrated Version discusses it a little longer and attacks Fabious (which seems to be rather senseless).
Fabious: "What is your problem?"
Thadeous: "You, Fabious, you're being selfish and greedy. Stealing all the attentions. Today is not just for you two. Today is Thundarian's birthday."
The latter looks puzzled and then asks Fabious: "Thundarian, is it your birthday?"
Thundarian: "It's not my birthday."
Fabious: "It's not Thundarian's birthday, Thadeous."
Thadeous looks depressed when Tallious interrupts the conversation.
During the transition to Belladonna's attempts to use a fork, the Theatrical Version shows a different shot of Thadeous where he still grins because of Courtney's haircut.
Unrated Version 17.6 sec longer
13:22-13:29 / 13:55-14:01
They used an alternative take and Fabious' dialogue is slightly different.
Theatrical Version: "If I'm not mistaken, it's tradition that the best man gets to lay with the bridesmaids. Plural."
Unrated Version: "If I'm not mistaken, it's a tradition that the best man gets to finger the bridesmaids."
Theatrical Version 1.7 sec longer
13:31-13:33 / 14:03-14:06
In the Theatrical Version Fabious only nods, while in the Unrated Version he rubs his finger under his nose (fits to the previous alteration) and then "waves" to Thadeous with the finger.
Unrated Version 1.1 sec longer
14:46 / 15:19-16:05
A whole new scene: Fabious goes to Belladonna who momentarily tries her wedding dress on; he then explains her a few things about the wedding.
Belladonna: "Oh, Fabious, I can't wait until the cervix is over, and to lie together as one."
Fabious corrects her: "No, the service. The cervix is a circular wing of muscles that contracts or expands. It's up in your vagina. That's where my penis will go after the wedding."
A girl nearby asks: "Have you not consummated your love?"
Fabious: "Not yet. Belladonna has never been with a man so we've decided to preserve her purity till after the wedding. She's given me this ribbon from her fair hair. To hold on to until we can be together in a sex-way."
They kiss again.
15:09-15:27 / 16:28-17:08
In the Unrated Version there's a missing shot; the following shot of Thadeous at the lake starts a little earlier and he talks to the troll Brendan a little before Courtney comes back to him.
Thadeous: "Oh, Brendan, you trolls have it so easy. Out here playing recklessly in your beautiful mud. Eating your scraps of horse meats and crumbs."
Brendan: "Green grass."
Thadeous: "Green grass. And do tell, how do you get so dirty? You just take the earth and rub it upon your face?"
After displaying it with some dirt, Courtney arrives.
Courtney: "Your Highness, the wedding has... Hello. The wedding has started."
Thadeous: "I do not care. I'd rather stay with this fine gentleman. Hiding here with my true friends. Yes. Let the whole entire wedding wonder and worry where I am."
In the Theatrical Version there instead is an alternative shot where Courtney immediately stands behind the two of them and reminds them of the wedding. Thadeous takes another pull on his pipe and then says what he also says in the unrated version (however, here it's a side view).
Unrated Version 22.6 sec longer
16:12-16:16 / 17:53-17:57
An alternative take of Thadeous coughing because his face is already covered in dirt in the Unrated version.
No difference in time.
20:15-20:16 / 21:56-22:13
In the Unrated Version Thadeous also says: "I look forward to hearing about it. Good luck and good bye."
Tallious: "Thadeous, this is Fabious' 28th quest. How many have you been on?"
Thadeous: "Courtney, how many quests have I completed?"
Courtney: "Uh... The answer is none."
The Theatrical Version instead just shows the following shot of Tallious slightly earlier (not illustrated below).
Unrated Version 16.3 sec longer
29:16 / 31:13-31:16
The shot begins a little earlier in the Unrated Version.
Fabious: "I'll work the tip, you tickle his balls."
Only in the Unrated Version the sorcerer moans according to these comments; in the Theatrical Version he giggles instead.
31:24 / 33:23-33:35
In the Unrated Version you see Julie slightly earlier, picking his teeth a little longer; in the end, he holds up a tooth.
The Theatrical Version instead shows the previous shot of him a little longer (not illustrated below).
Unrated Version 11.1 sec longer
39:13-39:17 / 41:24-41:34
In the Theatrical Version you see Fabious slightly longer; then follow different shots of Thadeous along with different dialogue.
Thadeous: "How? We're lost. We have no food, no garments, no meat, nothing!"
(Not illustrated below because it looks pretty similar to the first screenshot of the Unrated version.)
Thadeous: "How? We're lost, I'm hungry. This stump, it's putting my asshole to sleep."
Fabious (you shortly see him talking): "Thadeous, your feet are bare. Put your boots on."
Thadeous: "They're filthy, I'm having them exfoliated."
Fabious: "No time for exfoliation."
Unrated Version 6.5 sec longer
42:54-42:58 / 45:11-45:15
In the Unrated Version you see a closer shot of the girl pulling down her pants.
No difference in time.
50:34 / 52:51-53:00
In the Unrated Version you see the dead Marteetee inside his pot; then follows an additional effect shot: After his hand you now also see his face coming out of the ground.
The Theatrical Version instead just shows the previous shot of the heroes running away a little longer (not illustrated below).
Unrated Version 8.5 sec longer
76:34 / 79:00-79:09
An additional first shot: the minotaur approaches Courtney before Isabel slowly comes closer.
Courtney: "That's very sweet but I am not a female Minotaur. Ow."
This shot is partially also included in the Theatrical Version.
76:39-76:52 / 79:14-79:18
After the shot of Isabel follows an alternative course of scenes - in the Unrated Version it is a little more explicit.
A shot from further away; then you see the last few shots of the scene which was already shown in the Unrated Version.
Then follows a cut to Isabel and the minotaur obviously moves behind Courtney who says: "It tickles..."
At first you see the events from a little further away, then follows a closer shot of the minotaur having his way with Courtney (which looks quite harsh).
Theatrical Version 9.6 sec longer
78:50-78:59 / 81:16-81:25
The offscreen comments by Thadeous is different at 2 points of the movie and were just dubbed whenever the images were identical.
Theatrical Version: "My path has been unstable but my conviction is born to damn those who doubted me. To lessen those who tested me."
Unrated Version: "My path has been unstable but my conviction is born to damn the fuckers who doubted me. To lessen the assholes who tested me."
80:36-80:37 / 83:02-83:21
In the Unrated Version Fabious at first beseeches Julie.
Fabious: "Julie, Julie, get me out of here. Leezar has a hold of your mind."
Julie: "He has allowed me to get even with you. For too long you and your family have treated me like an employee."
Fabious: "Yeah, you were my slave."
Julie: "Yes, well not anymore."
While you see Boremont, Fabious goes on talking: "Boremont, my comrade."
The Theatrical Version just shows the following shot of Fabious a little earlier and the words "...my comrade" are spoken onscreen (not illustrated below). The "Boremont"-bit was already included in the previous shot.
Unrated Version 17.6 sec longer
80:47-80:48 / 83:31-83:32
For reasons of continuity there's an alternative shot of Julie - in the Theatrical Version he now stands up.
No difference in time.
80:54 / 83:38-83:44
Another pretty dumb joke with sexual innuendo in the Unrated Version when Fabious talks to Boremont.
Fabious: "We used to have fucking picnics together. Remember when we crossed swords and touched tips? Do you remember?"
Julie looks quite puzzled.
87:32 / 90:22-90:24
Only in the Unrated version you see an additional shot of Leezar falling and being impaled pretty bloody.
92:04-92:11 / 94:56-95:02
In the Unrated Version they used an alternative take. While Thadeous in the Theatrical Version says "Unless, of course, there were a woman brave enough to bathe beside me", the word "woman" was replaced by "bitch".
Theatrical Version 1.4 sec longer
92:55-92:58 / 95:46-95:49
Again an alternative take (which is pretty similar and thus was not illustrated again) when Thadeous offers Isabel the minotaur's penis.
Theatrical Version: "Shhh. Take it."
Unrated Version: "I fucking killed this dick. Take it."
No difference in time.
96:01 / 98:52-99:05
Thadeous is shown a little longer.
Fabious: "Well, I'm off to sleep with Belladonna. I'm a little nervous."
Thadeous (calm): "Don't be. Just swing your cock with the same strength you swing your sword, and I'm sure all will be fine."
At the end of the movie, only the Theatrical Version on the US DVD includes a MPAA announcement that explains the additional difference in time (which was not considered for the overall difference in time and the number of differences).
+ 7.5 sec