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House of the Dead

Comparison:

  • Theatrical Version
  • Director's Cut/Funny Version
Release: Apr 19, 2011 - Author: brainbug1602 - Translator: Gladion - external link: IMDB
The Theatrical Version has been compared to the Director's Cut (Funny Version).

In 2003, House of the Dead, the first video game adaptation of Uwe Boll, who has gotten himself a certain reputation in this area, was released. The film is a mundane zombie flick with a shallow plot and a tendency to be trash.

Five years later, Lionsgate has released a Director's Cut verion of the film on DVD. The film was made into a comedy with new music, alternative scenes, outtakes and several overlay-commentaries, which is the reason for the subtitle "Funny Version" on the DVD's front cover. This works remarkably well, thanks to self-ironic, exposing humour (continuity-issues, plot holes, subpar acting performances etc. are mentioned; partly a little dumpy, e.g. when fart noises are faded in).

The Funny Version can basically be recommended to people who already thought the original's banalities were amusing.

Alternative scenes are marked green, scenes, that are only contained in the Theatrical Version are marked red, while scenes that are only found in the Director's Cut are marked blue.Runtimes:

Theatrical Version: 90:09 min. (NTSC)
Directors Cut/Funny Version: 96:48 min. (NTSC)
General differences


  • Comments

    During the entire movie, there are speech bubbles with more or less funny comments faded in from time to time.



  • Man O Meter

    Aside the comments, the "Man O Meter" shows up once in a while, measuring a person's manliness-level in the respective situation. This is accompanied with lustful resp. disappointed women's voices.



  • Different music

    A large part of the music has been changed.

  • Implemented sounds

    According to each situation, there were "funny" noises added in. These range from audience reactions to fart noises.



    Comparison



    [00:00:00]

    Director's Cut:

    The film has a new prologue. Some hatemail against Uwe Boll is shown.



    Then you see Uwe Boll tied up, taken hostage by two terrorists.

    Terrorist: "In the name of Osama Bin Laden, Uwe Boll, we will execute you today for making the worst movies ever known to man. You've ruined the careers of thousands of actors including Will Sanderson and Patrick Muldoon."
    Uwe Boll: "I give a shit."
    Terrorist: "Then we're going to make you watch our own fucking movie."
    Uwe Boll: "No, don't do that!



    Afterwards and during the opening credits, you can hear some apologies of Uwe Boll.

    Theatrical Version:

    The theatrical version starts the opening credits a little bit earlier.

    Director's Cut: 47.07 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 4.17 sec.


    [00:02:40]

    After the opening credits you can see some outtakes in which Greg and Simon try to hit the bottle, but fail. Boll can be heard commenting.



    The theatrical version zooms in on the bottle.



    Director's Cut: 28.90 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 0.80 sec.


    [00:03:15]

    Greg is shown a little earlier.



    Director's Cut: 1.87 sec.


    [00:03:31]

    A new "comedy"-scene. The girls are approaching by car. Simon and Greg watch them.

    Simon: "Think they could drive any slower?"
    Girl: "Wow! Look at all these boats! So big!"
    Simon: "You know these people?"
    Girl: "I like the way it feels on my tushy."
    Greg: "I'll give it to you."
    Girl: "Oh yeah!"



    Director's Cut: 28.60 sec.


    [00:04:51]

    Director's Cut:

    The three are shown longer, then a goof-up of Greg.

    Greg: "It's-- boy. I just saw this cup flying. Okay, sorry."



    Theatrical Version:

    The theatrical version fades to the water.



    Director's Cut: 10.23 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 1.83 sec.


    [00:05:38]

    In the Director's Cut, the image freezes because of a funny comment, in the Theatrical Version the scene continues normally.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 3.37 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 3.37 sec.


    [00:05:44]

    Again, the image freezes in the Director's Cut, in the Theatrical Version it continues normally.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 1.77 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 1.70 sec.


    [00:06:15]

    In the Director's Cut, the image freezes while the Theatrical Version shows some party guests.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 1.80 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 1.80 sec.


    [00:06:49]

    The image freezes in the Director's Cut.



    Director's Cut: 2.20 sec.


    [00:08:48]

    The image freezes in the Director's Cut to build-in a Captain Kirk-joke. The scene continues a little in the Theatrical Version.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 2.97 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 1.03 sec.


    [00:10:33]

    The two policemen are standing at the jetty.

    Casper: "Damn it. We'll never get him now."
    McGivers: "I don't know about that, Captain, but take a gander at this."



    McGivers gets the flyer from the rave out of his pants.

    Casper: "McGivers. Whoo! All right."
    McGivers: "That's me in bed with the director."



    Director's Cut: 26.17 sec.


    [00:12:27]

    The image freezes for the "House of the Dead Survival Guide".



    Director's Cut: 6.47 sec.


    [00:12:58]

    The image freezes in the Director's Cut and "I am a Eunuch!" is faded-in.



    The boys and girls on the ship fool around a little with a fish afterwards.



    The water is shown a little earlier in the Theatrical Version.



    Director's Cut: 16.30 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 2.90 sec.


    [00:14:06]

    The image freezes in the Director's Cut and "I always laugh when people puke on me!" is faded-in.



    Cynthia is shown a little longer in the Theatrical Version.



    Director's Cut: 3.00 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 2.73 sec.


    [00:15:03]

    The Director's Cut offers an alternative shot of the swimming girl.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 6.23 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 9.60 sec.


    [00:15:15]

    Another alternative shot of the girl swimming.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 1.83 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 10.10 sec.


    [00:15:36]

    The screen freezes for a comment.



    Director's Cut: 1.60 sec.


    [00:15:54]

    Salish goes to Cynthia.

    Cynthia: "Did you get a real good peek there, perv?"



    Salish nods.

    Salish: "I wanna give this to you."

    He shows her the teapot..

    Salish: "It's for your protection."
    Cynthia: "Thank you."
    Salish: "Sorry, I don't have two."



    He runs through the door, then the scene is being rewinded.

    Director's Cut: 27.67 sec.


    [00:16:56]

    The image freezes. "the old hand on the tree shot. How Original!" is faded-in.



    Director's Cut: 0.67 sec.


    [00:18:22]

    A short comedic addition where Matt pulls the hand out of his stomach.



    Director's Cut: 7.07 sec.


    [00:18:47]

    An added dialogue between Salish and Kirk.

    Salish: "She was naked."
    Kirk: "Don't tell me."
    Salish: "Big titties."
    Kirk: "Really? YOu liked it, huh?"
    Salish: "Yeah."
    Kirk: "Why didn't you call me?"
    Salish: "They're mine."



    Director's Cut: 19.20 sec.


    [00:19:13]

    New scene with Rudy and Liberty.

    Rudy: "What?"
    Liberty: "I'm Liberty and she's Tyranny."
    Rudy: "Oh."
    Liberty: "That'y why she's got the hammer and sickle on her bobby, see?"
    Rudy: "Yes."
    Liberty: "Cool, huh?"
    Rudy: "You're not gonna take your shirt off? I don't know that I'd do."
    Liberty: "No. Cool, huh? We're both very political, you know."
    Rudy: "I see that."
    Liberty: "Yeah."



    Then follows an alternative scene with the couple that secludes itself to the woods.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 45.20 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 4.87 sec.


    [00:20:05]

    Alternative shot of the couple.

    Girl: "Yeah, sniff for the truffles, you little pig you. Did you hear that?"
    Guy: "What?"



    Theatrical Version:

    Girl: "Did you hear that?"



    Director's Cut: 6.43 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 2.27 sec.


    [00:20:12]

    In the Theatrical Version the water is shown earlier.



    Theatrical Version: 2.73 sec.


    [00:20:34]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "Zombie Island, dead ahead!"



    Director's Cut: 3.00 sec.


    [00:20:54]

    In the Director's Cut the image freezes while in the Theatrical Version the scene continues normally.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 3.77 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 3.77 sec.


    [00:21:17]

    In the Director's Cut the image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "What's he so happy about?"



    Director's Cut: 0.50 sec.


    [00:21:36]

    Alternative scene. Kirk gives Greg a water pistol.

    Kirk: "Special gift here...for the party."
    Salish: "For your protection."
    Greg: "Thanks."
    Karma: "That's good, Captain."
    Kirk: "Thank You."



    In the Theatrical Version they're just walking around on shore.



    Director's Cut: 10.93 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 9.80 sec.


    [00:22:00]

    The image freezes and the movie gives you another "survival guide".



    Director's Cut: 6.50 sec.


    [00:23:10]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "Why is there dry ice in this swam?"



    In the Theatrical Version Cynthia walks on.



    Director's Cut: 2.63 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 1.77 sec.


    [00:23:30]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "He can predict weather with his pinkie!"



    Director's Cut: 2.57 sec.


    [00:24:18]

    Alternative scenes.

    The group dances at the rave - they're doing a polonaise. The girls are happy to have a lot of space and Greg grabs a beer.



    In the Director's Cut, the scenes are pretty similar to those in the Theatrical Version, however, they used some alternative footage.



    Director's Cut: 44.30 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 49.10 sec.


    [00:25:55]

    Alternative scene when Salish carries the crate away.

    Salish: "We're gonna make a fortune smuggeling these David Hasselhoff music videos. He's a heavy one! Come on, David."



    In the Theatrical Version he carries the crate away without saying anything.



    Director's Cut: 16.03 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 14.90 sec.


    [00:26:29]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "Gross!" when Simon and Cynthia kiss.



    In the Theatrical Version the scene goes on a little longer.



    Director's Cut: 1.23 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 1.20 sec.


    [00:27:09]

    Alternative scenes.

    Greg shouts into the microphone.

    Greg: "Hello, Cleveland!"
    Cynthia: "Cut it out!"



    Cut to Salish.

    Salish: "Captain. Captain, is that you?"



    Greg: "I'd like to, uh...I'd like to thank the Academy, um..."

    You hear people booing.



    Cut back to Salish.

    Salish: "This job's gonna kill me."



    For a short moment you hear a few more zombies. Salish screams.

    Theatrical Version:

    There's no cut - Salish is still in the shot. A zombie runs through the woods.

    Salish: "Captain. Captain, is that you?"



    A zombie gets hold of Salish.

    Cut to Greg.

    Greg shouts into the microphone.

    Greg: "Hello, Cleveland!"
    Cynthia: "Cut it out! Because I said so."



    Director's Cut: 41.30 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 42.47 sec.


    [00:28:07]

    Alternative scene of Greg who carries Cynthia to the tent.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 5.73 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 8.87 sec.


    [00:29:39]

    After the speech balloon "This scene is boring." the scene of Kirk on the ship runs in quick motion in the Director's Cut.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 3.13 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 47.03 sec.


    [00:29:49]

    Alternative scene of Cynthia who waits for Greg and falls off the armchair.

    Cynthia: "Come on, baby! Let's go fast. Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh..."



    Theatrical Version:

    Cynthia: "Greg. Greg."



    Director's Cut: 8.20 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 7.50 sec.


    [00:30:21]

    Alternaive scene. Simon and the girls eat several snacks and explore the cabin.

    Alicia: "SO at---ow!"
    Simon: "Wow, will you get a load of that?"
    Alicia: "--at Allegro they have that creme brulee."
    Simon: "That's the biggest craft service I've ever seen."
    Alicia: "What the hell is it? Yeah, but this creme brulee at Allegro was so good. It's like this chai brulee, and they whip it up, and it's like, really, "Oh, whip it up!""
    Karma: "They also have, like, a sticky toffee pudding."



    Karma falls over.

    Simon: "Oh, poor girl. Are you okay?"

    Theatrical Version:

    Simon and the 2 girls explore the cabin.

    Simon: "Will you get a load of that?"
    Karma: "What the hell is it?"
    Simon: "Looks like it was built a milennia ago."
    Alicia: "Simon, it's centuries."
    Simon: "Right. Well, that's what I meant."
    Alicia: "Should we go in?"
    Karma: "I am not going in there."
    Simon: "Uless there's a spa and a 24-hour room service, you're on your own, hon."
    Alica: "Well, are you coming, or am I going in myself?"
    Karma: "Didn't you ever watch Scooby Doo? Tis is so not a good idea."



    Director's Cut: 31.40 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 33.83 sec.


    [00:30:56]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "Pervert!"



    Director's Cut: 1.37 sec.


    [00:32:07]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "Girls Gone Wild zombie island edition". Then follow a few additional scenes of the zombie attack.

    Hugh: "Sorry, I have a lot of footage here. I'll just fast-forward. Everyone was partying and drinking and dancing and just hanging out having fun. And then these things came and they attacked the rave, startet killing everybody. Those of us that could get away, did. We ran."



    Theatrical Version:

    Here you see the scenes of the zombie attack on the TV screen.

    Hugh: "Sorry, I have a lot of footage here. I'll just fast-forward."
    Rudy: "Everyone was partying, you know. Drinking and dancing and just hanging out having fun. And then these things came and they attacked the rave, startet killing everybody. Those of us that could get away, did. We ran."



    Director's Cut: 43.33 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 22.93 sec.


    [00:33:16]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "video store employee".



    Director's Cut: 1.43 sec.


    [00:33:26]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "It was called Land of the Dead...It kinda sucked!"



    In the Theatrical Version the scene continues normally.



    Director's Cut: 2.70 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 1.07 sec.


    [00:33:58]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "what's up with the gloves?"



    In the Theatrical Version you see the group of people leaving the house.



    Director's Cut: 1.87 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 4.90 sec.


    [00:36:31]

    Alternative scene of Cynthia running towards Hugh.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 3.13 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 1.97 sec.


    [00:36:37]

    Alternative scene of Cynthia.

    Boll: "Cut! What are you doing? It's not scary."

    You see the clapperboard.

    Boll: "Action. Aw, God that sucks."
    Cynthia: "Shit. Sorry."

    They try it again.

    Boll: "Action! Cut cut! Totally out of focus. And the blood is fake."

    And another try.

    Boll: "Action! Cut! Really sheisse. Sheisse sheisse sheisse."

    Now you see the clapperboard again.

    Boll: "Action! Hey! Hey, sou're fired. Out out."



    Theatrical Version:

    Cynthia turns to the others.



    Director's Cut: 30.50 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 2.37 sec.


    [00:37:25]

    Director's Cut:

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "Does this mean no more topless scenes?"



    Casper: "What the hell was that thing?"
    Karma: "I don't know. I give a shit? No."
    Casper: "Everybody hold on a minute. Maybe I can get us some answers. McGivers, come in."



    Theatrical Version:

    Alternative dialogue.

    Casper: "What the hell was that thing?"
    Karma: "Our best friend."
    Caspers: "Not anymore."
    Karma: "She was like a wild animal. Did you see here face? Oh, my God! It's horrible!"
    Greg: "What happend to her?"
    Caspers: "Everybody hold on a minute. Maybe I can get us some answers. McGivers, come in."



    Director's Cut: 17.50 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 24.50 sec.


    [00:37:46]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "$50 says her radio does not work".



    Director's Cut: 1.90 sec.


    [00:39:29]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "I love the smell of zombies in the morning!"



    In the Theatrical Version Kirk is shown a little longer.



    Director's Cut: 2.33 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 10.57 sec.


    [00:39:54]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "This is an 'emotional moment'".



    Director's Cut 2.33 sec.


    [00:40:37]

    The gang crosses the bridge wearing their party outifts.



    In the Theatrical Version this scene is a little more serious.



    Director's Cut 11.93 sec.
    Theatrical Version 21.87 sec.


    [00:41:16]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "He might need a tetanus shot".



    The Theatrical Version in return shows Karma a little earlier.



    Director's Cut 2.30 sec.
    Theatrical Version 0.73 sec.


    [00:41:26]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "survival guide".



    Director's Cut 6.50 sec.


    [00:42:13]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "I want out of this shitty movie!"



    Director's Cut 1.83 sec.


    [00:43:59]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "Fire all Photon Torpedoes!".



    In return, the Theatrical Version shows the zombie a little earlier.



    Director's Cut 1.93 sec.
    Theatrical Version 0.27 sec.


    [00:44:21]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "You tell him captain!"



    Director's Cut 1.70 sec.


    [00:46:02]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "Lets needlessly split up!".



    Director's Cut 1.90 sec.


    [00:46:28]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "Wimp!"



    In return, the Theatrical Version shows Simon a little longer.



    Director's Cut 2.07 sec.
    Theatrical Version 1.03 sec.


    [00:46:45]

    A new scene of Casper and Greg wandering through the woods.

    Greg: "Ow. Shit."
    Casper: "Get up here."
    Greg: "It's okay. Ow, my knee. I just aggravated an old knee injury. I-- uh, I often, uh...well, I like older women, and um...there was this one cougar, she was like 45 years old, about your age--"
    Casper: "Shh."
    Greg: "Sorry."
    Casper: "Whoa! Dude, you smell like shit!"
    Greg: "You don't like that? You know, 'cause once had this girl, and she rally likes--she was about 45, about your age. She loved the smell of shit on me."
    Casper: "Shh!"
    Greg: "She just-- no, okay."
    Casper: "Would you shut the fuck up?"
    Greg: "Basically, what I'm trying to say--"
    Casper: "Greg..."
    Greg: "Wait wait wait."
    Casper: "Put a lid on it!"
    Greg: "Okay!"



    In return, the Theatrical Version shows the rest of the group a little longer.



    Director's Cut 40.40 sec.
    Theatrical Version 2.40 sec.


    [00:47:53]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "Lex Luthar's grandfather".



    Director's Cut 2.03 sec.


    [00:48:28]

    Alternative scene of Castillo and the captain.

    Director's Cut

    Captain: "Jesus."
    Castillo: "Closer. A bit closer. Good. Now, where is my cappuccino?"
    Captain: "We have no more foam, Father."
    Castillo: "No more foam? You know what I am like without the foam. I have waited 10 years for this cappuccino. I get really angry without sex and a cappuccino with some foam. I'm getting another captain."



    Theatrical Version

    Castillo: "You know why I was banished from Spain?"
    Captain: "Your experiments are not of God."
    Castillo: "God? What has God done for you, or for me? Nothing. There is no God. There's only me."
    Captain: "May he have mercy on your soul."



    Director's Cut 35.57 sec.
    Theatrical Version 28.27 sec.


    [00:50:22]

    When Greg flees from the zombies, the DC's version of this scene was speed up and accompanied by "hunting music".



    Theatrical Version



    Director's Cut 45.23 sec.
    Theatrical Version 112.20 sec. (1:52 Min.)


    [00:51:19]

    When the zombies reach Greg you see a title card that says "Game Over".



    Director's Cut 1.83 sec.


    [00:53:14]

    In the DC there's a cut to Simon.



    In the Theatrical Version Kirk, Casper, and Liberty are shown a little longer.



    Director's Cut 2.93 sec.
    Theatrical Version 3.73 sec.


    [00:54:06]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "Not another montage!"



    Director's Cut 1.70 sec.


    [00:54:38]

    The image freezes and you see another "survival guide".



    Director's Cut 6.53 sec.


    [00:55:59]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "Continuity: Shotgun".



    Director's Cut 1.43 sec.


    [00:56:14]

    In the Director's Cut the camera circles around Liberty a few times while the Theatrical Version already fades to the next scene.



    Theatrical Version



    Director's Cut 1.97 sec.
    Theatrical Version 0.60 sec.


    [00:56:27]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "Bullet time never gets old!"



    In return, the Theatrical Version shows Simon a little longer.



    Director's Cut 2.03 sec.
    Theatrical Version 0.60 sec.


    [00:58:43]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "Instead of going inside lets keep blowing shit up!"



    In the Theatrical Version Rudy is shown a little longer.



    Director's Cut 2.77 sec.
    Theatrical Version 2.20 sec.


    [01:00:20]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "Asian raver chicks are always experts in martial arts!"



    In the Theatrical Version Liberty is shown longer. In the following scene, Alicia is shown a little earlier.



    Director's Cut 2.30 sec.
    Theatrical Version 1.87 sec.


    [01:00:35]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "I think I'm in love!"



    The Theatrical Version cuts to the zombie.



    Director's Cut 2.03 sec.
    Theatrical Version 0.83 sec.


    [01:02:17]

    After Liberty's death there's a titlecard that says "Game Over".



    Director's Cut 1.60 sec.


    [01:04:00]

    In the Theatrical Version Casper and Rudy are shown a little longer.

    Theatrical Version 0.47 sec.


    [01:04:25]

    Alternative scene.

    Casper's legs are shown a little longer in the Director's Cut.



    Theatrical Version



    Director's Cut 1.87 sec.
    Theatrical Version 1.93 sec.


    [01:05:46]

    In the Theatrical Version Kirk is shown a little longer.



    Theatrical Version 1.23 sec.


    [01:06:12]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "I am not an animal!"



    Director's Cut 3.00 sec.


    [01:07:28]

    In the Director's Cut there's a little more dialogue between Simon and Karma.

    Simon: "You know in "Vanilla Sky", remember that scene?"
    Karma: "Yeah."
    Simon: "Tom Cruise is in the bar on one side and the bartender's on the other. Tom Cruise is asking for a drink..."
    Karma: "Yeah."
    Simon: "...and the bartender wouldn't even look in his eyes 'cause his face was so disfigured, right?"
    Karma: "Yeah yeah yeah, yeah."
    Simon: "Well--"
    Karma: "Who's gonna look into your eyes with a face like that?"
    Simon: "That's what I'm talkin about."
    Karma: "I get it."
    Simon: "I look like a fucking freak."



    Theatrical Version

    In the Theatrical Version Simon and Karma are shown a little earlier.

    Simon: "I'm a freak. I belong in the fuckin' circus."



    Director's Cut 21.93 sec.
    Theatrical Version 1.63 sec.


    [01:08:04]

    Director's Cut

    Alternative kiss scene of Simon and Karma. Boll gives them some directions.

    Boll: "More tongue! More tongue! Okay, now grab her tits! Undress her now! Cut! Cut! Cut! Cut! Hey!"



    Theatrical Version

    A little more dialogue between Simon and Karma.

    Simon: "You're not just doing this to make me feel better, are you?"
    Karma: "I'm doing this to make me feel better.



    Then the movie cuts to Rudy and Alicia who watch zombies carrying some corpses away.

    Alicia: "It's so quiet."
    Rudy: "Yeah, it's almost too quiet."
    Alicia: "Look at this."
    Simon: "What?"
    Alicia: "Where are they dragging them? What are they doing with the bodies?"
    Rudy: "I got a bad feeling."



    Director's Cut 18.53 sec.
    Theatrical Version 40.10 sec.


    [01:08:27]

    Alternative shot of Capser.



    Theatrical Version



    Director's Cut 2.30 sec.
    Theatrical Version 2.30 sec.


    [01:13:00]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon that says "get me out of this jar!"



    Director's Cut 2.00 sec.


    [01:13:15]

    Director's Cut

    Alternative shot of the cells.

    Sprecher: "Like any cell, the amoeba consists of a substance known as protoplasm."



    Theatrical Version

    Rudy takes a look at the specimen with the microscope.



    Rudy: "It's blood."
    Alicia: "It's blood?"
    Rudy: "Yeah, but it's not human, though."



    Director's Cut 6.47 sec.
    Theatrical Version 10.50 sec.


    [01:13:25]
    Director's Cut

    In the Director's Cut there's another cut to the cells.

    Narrator: "In the middle of the cell is the nucleus, a body which contains the blueprint for the organization of the cell's activity."



    In the Theatrical Version there's a cut to Karma.



    Director's Cut 5.47 sec.
    Theatrical Version 2.87 sec.


    [01:14:52]

    In the Theatrical Version Kirk is shown a little earlier. He points his gun at Salish.



    Theatrical Version 1.90 sec.


    [01:14:56]

    Alternative shot of Salish.

    Director's Cut

    Salish: "Those David Hasselhoff...music videos...are killing me!"



    Theatrical Version

    In the Theatrical Version Salish doesn't say anything.



    Director's Cut 8.10 sec.
    Theatrical Version 2.67 sec.


    [01:15:07]

    Another cut to Salish.

    Salish: "We could have made a fortune on those David Hasselhoff music videos!"



    Director's Cut 7.03 sec.


    [01:15:53]

    The image freezes and you see another "survival guide".



    The Theatrical Version instead shows a short shot of the rest of the group.



    Director's Cut: 6.50 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 0.83 sec.


    [01:16:08]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "I guess this means we're into act III".



    In the Theatrical Version, the group is shown a little longer, followed by a shot of them leaving the room.



    Director's Cut: 1.53 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 2.67 sec.


    [01:16:42]

    In the Director's Cut there's a little more dialogue between Simon and Karma.

    Karma: "Who would've guessed you and I would be the ones to end up together?"
    Simon: "You're always so lucky?"
    Karma: "I don't belive in luck. I belive in...fate."
    Simon: "Well. I think I'm gonna faint. Oh my God."



    In return, the Theatrical Version cuts to Simon and Karma. The following shot of Rudy inside the lab starts a little earlier.



    Director's Cut: 22.43 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 2.80 sec.


    [01:17:20]

    Alternative shot of the zombie fish.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 2.83 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 1.80 sec.


    [01:18:03]

    Director's Cut:

    Cut to Simon, followed by a cut to Rudy.

    Rudy: "Simon, come on! Finally, they're gone. Bitches."



    Theatrical Version:

    Cuts to Rudy and Simon.

    Rudy: "Simon, come on!"



    Director's Cut: 8.60 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 3.90 sec.


    [01:18:15]

    Director's Cut:

    Cut to Rudy.

    Rudy: "I have a knot in my back. This fucking movie's killing me."

    Cut to Simon who's held back by the zombies.

    Rudy: "These German directors are-- they're sexy, but they're just-- too harsh."



    Theatrical Version:

    The Theatrical Version only cuts to Rudy.



    Director's Cut: 11.80 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 1.70 sec.


    [01:18:29]

    In the Theatrical Version there's another cut to Rudy.



    Theatrical Version: 0.97 sec.


    [01:19:45]

    Director's Cut:

    A fire engine arrives and starts to put out the fire.



    Scene change. Alicia and Karma meet inside a tunnel.

    Alicia: "Hey!"
    Karma: "Hey!"
    Alicia: "What are you doing here?"
    Karma: "Hanging out in the mines, you know."
    Alicia: "Where's Rudy?"
    Karma: "I don't know. I haven't seen him."
    Alicia: "He didn't come with you?"
    Karma: "No."
    Alicia: "Why is--"
    Karma: "Check out your outfit."
    Alicia: "Oh, you like that?"
    Karma: "i dig your shoes. They're excellent."
    Alicia: "Thanks. You know what? they go great with a belt. But I had this little top that would go perfect with that hat."
    Karma: "See this hat? Hard-hat orange, it's the new black.



    Uwe Boll drives up with a short train.

    Boll: "You want to go on a drive with us?"
    Alicia: "Yeah, we want to get out of here--"
    Karma: "No, we're--"
    Boll: "To ride it's five bucks."
    Alicia: "We--"
    Karma: "Five bucks?"
    Alicia: "Damn. I got a gun, but I got no money."
    Boll: "Now, go ahead. Okay."
    Alicia: "Alright we'll just stay fighting zombies."
    Boll: "Okay, cut!"



    In the Theatrical Version you instead see a short sequence of the game.



    Director's Cut: 61.00 sec. (1:01 Min.)
    Theatrical Version: 1.77 sec.


    [01:21:50]

    Alternative shot of Karma.

    Karma: "Finally, my closeup...except I'm gonna die. Fuck!"



    Theatrical Version:

    Karma: "I'll take care of these guys."
    Rudy: "Karma, no!"



    Director's Cut: 4.37 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 2.67 sec.


    [01:22:20]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "Even though I'm dead and I'm dressed like a freak...trust me!".



    In the Theatrical Version Greg is shown a little earlier.



    Director's Cut: 3.50 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 2.90 sec.


    [01:22:36]

    Alternative shot of Greg.

    Greg: "I went off with Casper and she touched-- she started-- she jumped me. She started touching me. And I couldn't believe it. I-- I mean, an older broad really knows how to treat a guy, let me tell you. And so we went off and she made me put on this costume.



    Theatrical Version:

    In the Theatrical Version there's no dialogue. Alicia and Rudy follow Greg.



    Director's Cut: 12.13 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 5.57 sec.


    [01:22:53]

    Greg goes on talking. The beginning of the dialogue can already be heard while you still see Rudy and Alicia.

    Greg: "And then she started doing crazy shit to me like-- like she took this-- this big...dildo and she started whacking me with it on my head, and on the side, and I had blood. Look, I got this. And then she cut me, my-- my whole fucking head like this."



    Theatrical Version:

    Alicia takes a look around.

    Alicia: "Greg, what are you doing here?"
    Rudy: "What is this room?"
    Alicia: "Greg, we thought you were dead. Greg, say somethin."



    Director's Cut: 8.00 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 23.87 sec.


    [01:23:07]

    Alternative shot of Greg.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 1.97 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 0.80 sec.


    [01:23:57]

    Alternative scene with Castillo.

    Director's Cut:

    Castillo: "They said it couldn't be done. Did you hear what I said? They said it couldn't be done. We are going to live forever. Oh, yes. I love you!"



    Castillo goes to the gallows but he opens opens his eyes.

    Castillo: "I will never die. You think you can kill me? I will live forever. I will live forever."



    Several dead people wake up.

    Theatrical Version:

    Castillo: "Fantastic. Did you hear what I said? It works. I'm going to live forever. Forever.



    Castillo is hanged but he opens his eyes.

    Castillo: "I will never die. You think you can kill me? I will live forever."



    Several dead people wake up.



    Director's Cut: 38.70 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 31.13 sec.


    [01:25:15]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "tastes like chicken!"



    Theatrical Version:

    Alicia: "What do you want?"
    Castillo: "I just want your flesh."



    Director's Cut: 2.53 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 5.60 sec.


    [01:25:58]

    You see a speech balloon that says "Lets see that again". Then the scene rewinds and you can watch the explosion again.



    Director's Cut: 19.37 sec.


    [01:27:00]

    The camera pans to Rudy.



    In the Theatrical Version you instead see a short shot of Rudy fighting against Castillo.



    Director's Cut: 4.77 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 1.90 sec.


    [01:27:09]

    Alicia touches her nose while the camera circles around her.



    Director's Cut: 1.80 sec.


    [01:28:03]

    Alicia is not impressed by the sword thrust.

    Alicia: "Is that the best you can do?"



    Castillo stabs her again.



    Alicia: "I'm not feeling it."



    Director's Cut: 11.40 sec.


    [01:28:25]

    The image freezes and you see a speech balloon saying "That head looks fake!"



    Director's Cut: 1.20 sec.


    [01:28:41]

    Alternative shot of Castillo.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 1.20 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 1.20 sec.


    [01:29:07]

    Alternative shot of Castillo.



    Theatrical Version:



    Director's Cut: 2.90 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 2.90 sec.


    [01:29:44]

    Rudy mourns, holding a tombstone in his hand.



    In the Theatrical Version you instead see him a little longer while the scene fades out.



    Director's Cut: 8.73 sec.
    Theatrical Version: 4.37 sec.


    [01:31:41]

    Just before the credits roll, you see speech balloons that say "Think this movie's stupid?" and "Well you're the one who rented it!"



    Director's Cut: 9.53 sec.
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