Comparison between the R-Rated theatrical version and the Unrated version released on DVD.
In August 2005 "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" hit American theaters with an R-Rating. On DVD an Unrated version was released running 17 minutes (NTSC) longer than the R-Rated version (which made its way on DVD anyway).
The Unrated version contains extended story elements, more jokes, more nudity and a little more of juicy dialogue. With a running time of 127 minutes (PAL) almost too long for a comedy this version is nevertheless the better one, giving the movie more humour.
The Unrated version is 878,6 sec (14,64 min) longer than the R-Rated. This is the PAL difference since the Unrated version was represented by the German Universal DVD
5 alternate scenes
R-Rated = 1:56:03 (NTSC)
Unrated = 2:07:03 (PAL)
Time codes refer to the German Unrated DVD, thus are in PAL.
Jay (Romany Malco) and Mooj (Gerry Bednob) are arguing because Mooj served one of Jay's customers.
Mooj: This is a great TV. Nothing beats Plasma.
Jay: What are you doing? That's my customer.
Mooj: It certainly is not. When I came upon her she was unattended.
Jay: N-no, that's my...
Mooj: Wait. To the customer: Go to the checkout there. Pick up there, please..
Jay: She was unattended because I went to the back to get the broschure that she requested.
Mooj: I apologize, but it's too late. The transaction has been completed.
Jay: Well then you gon' give me half the commission.
Mooj: You'll receive non of the commission.
Jay: I need to talk to Paula. This is crazy.
Mooj: This is bullshit. Every time I make a sale you go crying to Paula. How about...how about Jesse Jackson? Old Jesse needs a cause.
Jay: I'm sick of you poaching my customers.
Mooj: I'm sick of your crybaby bullshit.
Jay: You wan--- you wanna take this shit outside? Just take it outside and just squash it?
Mooj: Let's stay inside, so everybody can see what a...what a pussy you have, okay? Because when I remove the, the blade I keep in my boot from its sheath I can't return it until it has spilled blood.
Jay: Look, listen to me, listen to me. You are fucking with the wrong nigger.
Mooj: Hey hey! You're fucking with the wrong sun-nigger, okay?
Jay: Dude, I will hang your old ass by your turban.
Mooj: Oh, turban now? Do you see any fucking turban here? Do I talk like a turban guy? Do I say, "Hey Jay, do you want a Slurpee? You want a Slurpee?" Fuck you, okay? I was born in Brooklyn. Brooklyn, okay? My accent is a fucking Brooklyn accent, okay? Okay?
Jay: Alright, man. Calm down, dude. Look, you still coverin' my shift on Friday or what?
Mooj: If I can keep this commission, with pleasure.
Jay: Cool then. Alright, pop.
Mooj: No problem.
Jay delivers a different line in the different versions. Here the R-Rated is 6,6 seconds longer.
- 6,6 sec
Jay: I literally sit at home trying to think of things to do to her. I'm dead serious. Sometimes I just sit for hours, just staring at the sky trying to come up with something to do. I don't even know if she can walk. I've never seen her standing up. I've only seen her on her back.
Jay: I've done every single thing I could possibly create. I literally lubed up and made love to the arches of her feet, alright?
On his way to work, Andy (Steve Carell) tries to encourage himself.
Andy: Yeah, well, virgin's not a dirty word. You know what's a dirty word, is asshole and that's what you guys are. You know, I may not have had sex but I could fuck you up. Yeah.
While David and Andy are talking behind the store they get interrupted by their co-worker Haziz.
Haziz: Hey, Will and Grace, back to work.
David: Hey, Haziz, can you just give us a second? We're just kinda in the middle of something.
Haziz: Hey...I'm on my break, okay?
David: Hey, fuck off, Haziz! Leave us alone, alright?
Haziz: Fuck off? Fuck you!
David: Fuck you!
Haziz: Fuck you! Fuck off.
David: Fuck off. I'm gonna kick you in the nuts, asshole.
Haziz: Hey, hey! Hey, hey, hey! Watch the language, okay? I have a family.
David: Watch how you talk to me!
Haziz: Hey, it's a free country, Bambi. I can smoke out here if I want to.
David: Smoke my pole!
Haziz: You are a very unkind man.
David: Get inside!
Haziz: This is not professional. Paula, this asshole over here...
David: It's okay.
David: It's alright. Come on. You know, it's just...
Andy passes by some pretty women. He then stops at a newspaper kiosk where he sees lots of men's magazines. He takes off and bumps into another pretty woman. Afterwards he flees from a bus with a huge advertisment for an aphrodisiac on its side and he passes by two dogs having fun with each other.
In a flashback to Andy's teenage years he tries to take a girls bra off.
Girl: What are you doing? Okay, just...
Andy: We're almost there. Oh, we have one. Houston, we have one.
Girl: You're pulling my fucking hair out!
Andy: We did it.
Girl: God! Oh my God, you came in your pants. What did you do?
Andy: I had some Cream of Wheat.
After Andy kicked the girl in the face by accident she yells at him some more in the Unrated.
Girl: You are terrible at this. You should just give up forever.
Girl: I'm hot! But now you can't have any of this.
Jay wants Andy to show him his instincts. The R-Rated misses the first part of the conversation and the second part shows different shots in both versions.
Jay: How do you think a lion knows to tackle a gazelle? It's written. It's a code written in his DNA. It says, "Tackle the gazelle."
Jay: And believe it or not, in every man, there’s a code written that says: "Tackle drunk bitches."
Jay: Show me your instincts.
Andy: My head, my heart. I follow my heart.
Jay: Now, I'm 'a show you this one time, alright? Instincts. Show me your instincts. W--- show me your instincts.
Andy: They're right here, they're right here.
Jay: Own your instincts. All you doin' is using your instinct. That's it.That's how a tiger know he got to tackle a gazelle. There's a code written in his DNA. It says, "Tackle the gazelle".
Jay: And believe it or not, in every man there's a code written that says, "Tackle drunk bitches."
Jay explains to Andy how to spot drunk women. Andy then goes to a passed out woman who's laying on a sofa. Afterwards he goes to Cal (Seth Rogen) and tries to get more advice.
Jay: Now you're talking. Alright, check this out.You see this redhead over here?
Jay: With the big old titties.
Andy: Oh, you know, I'm not gonna stare at a woman.
Jay: Dawg, I'm not--- I'm not telling you to stare at nobody. I'm telling you to use your peripherals. Now look at me. See? Look. See?
Jay: I'm not looking at you. No. I'm looking at...
Andy: You're looking at her? Wha--- what do you want me to do?
Jay: I want you to use your peripherals. See? I'm not looking at you. Mhm-mhm. No. See, I'm looking at the redhead at three o'clock with the big titties. You see her? Racked up right there? See her? See her?
Jay: Yeah. Now, you find one with the peripherals. You find one.
Andy: Okay. You see over by...the post. It looks like a... It's either a ficus... It might be a rubber tree plant.
Jay: Alright, now if you're making a joke, dawg... It's not funny.
Andy: I see a blonde and she's very pretty
Jay: Better, okay. Alright. Now with your peripherals...
Jay: ...you got to scope out a hot drunk chick. and then you should make your move. Okay?
Jay: Alright. And remember, it's more important that she's drunk than she's hot. For this first one. Go get her. Peripherals, though. All the way. All peripherals.
Andy: Hi, I'm Andy. You look comfortable. Can I get you another cocktail?
David: Too drunk.
Jay: But you got the right idea.
David: But clinically alive.
Andy: Hey! Yo! I'm having trouble finding the drunk people.
Cal: You wanna know where there's one?
Cal: I. I, Captain Yellowshirts. Arrrgh.
Andy: Okay. Have a good one.
Cal: Yo, yo, yo!
Cal: I met a girl and she's here with a bachelorette party and they invited us to party with them.
Andy: Okay, that's good..
Cal: It's so good because no one is hornier than a girl who's about to watch her friend get married to a guy. It's so funny.
After Cal tells Andy he first thought he was a serial murderer Andy gives him a weird look in the R-Rated. In the Unrated he laughs out and drops the TV of the customer.
Andy: Sorry. Shoot. Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Cal: Don't worry. There's a lot of padding in these. I could hurl it off the balcony, it'd be fine.
Andy: Yeah. It'll be fine.
Cal: We couldn't break this if we tried.
Andy: No problem.
Extended footage of Andy and Cal talking in the parking lot about the unimportance of looks.
Cal: That was Jay's idea, okay? And I wasn't going to say anything but waxing your chest is like the gayest thing you could possibly do, okay? Look at me. Looks are not important. Really look at me. I am ugly as fuck by traditional standards but I get with women. Aren't you curious as to how that's possible?
Andy: I am not agly as fuck.
Cal: I didn't say you were ugly as---
Andy: Well, you implied it.
Cal: Okay. It doesn't matter if you're ugly as fuck or you're ugly as shit. It's about talking to women and I know how to do that because I observe, because I am a novelist.
Andy: What? You never told me that before.
Cal: That's because I'm not an arrogant prick, Andy. Okay? The problem most men have is they don't know how to talk to women.
Andy: You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. What am I supposed to say? "I went to magic camp"? "I'm an accomplished ventriloquist"? "Oh, I am a seventh degree imperial yo-yo master." - "Oh, do me, yo-yo master! I want you to do me cause you're the yo-yo guy."
Cal: Are you done? Listen.
Andy turns off the porno. He looks bored. In the R-Rated the scene ends here. In the Unrated he closes his eyes and dreams of the porno actress. The shot of the TV getting turned off is a different one in both versions.
Porno actress: Hi, Andy. I'm gonna talk dirty to you. I wanna have lots of sexy sex with you. I wanna touch your big fat... (her voice changes to Andy's own voice) ...noodle cause I wanna have naughty intercourse with you. I want you to put your penis on, I mean in me, Andy. I wanna do lots of, lots of sexy hot things with you. Shit. This really isn't working, Andy. I don't know what to say because I am you.
Cal talks to Andy about Dave's box of porn and about semen stains on bedspread.
Cal: Hey, I heard Dave gave you the box of porn.
Andy: Yeah, he did.
Cal: You ever watch, like, Primetime Live, when they take a black light into a hotel room and show you all the semen all over the bedspread?
Cal: You blind someone with that box. You could see that thing from space.
Cal talks to Paula about his guess that Andy's just pretending to be a virgin. He gets to know that Paula would sleep with Andy.
Cal: I think he might be fooling us all, though.
Cal: I actually think he might be, like, some genius and this is like some big, like, hilarious... Like he's bored at work and he just wanted to, like, kick up some shit so he told us all he's a virgin.
Paula: You're seeing a lot of stuff that's not there. You're just projecting all over him. He might be an idiot savant but he's not, like, clever enough to go that deep.But he's got a great body.
Cal: Would you fuck him?
Paula: Im a New York minute.
Cal: You would fuck him?
Andy tries to convince his friends not to join the Date-A-Palooza.
Andy: Don't... Please don't do this. I say this on Primetime Live.
Dave: Alright, ninja-master. We've given you all the advice we have to give. Now you gotta put it in action.
Andy: Advice? You guys all gave me different advice. To Cal: He thinks you're a pothead.
Cal: I am.
Jay: Dude, dude. Hey, hey, hey. Partner, partner. What are you whining about? You asked for this shit.
Andy: No, I didn't.
Andy cals a hotline since he's been having an erection for four hours.
Andy: Hi, yes, I'm calling because it's been more than four hours and your ad said to call if it's been more than four hours.
Hotline: How much of the medicine have you taken, sir?
Andy: I haven't taken any but you're ad said that if you had an erection for more than four hours, you call.
Hotline: Well, you're only supposed to call if you've taken the medicine.
Andy: Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I must not have heard that part.
Hotline: Yes. If you haven't taken the medicine you don't call.
Andy: Right, right, right, right, right. I'm sorry. Right. Is... So there's nothing you can do? Imean, I just don't wanna---
Hotline: There's nothing I can do. I'm in Bombay, India.
Andy: Oh, okay. No, not you personally. I just don't wanna... I just don't wanna have an erection anymore.
Hotline: Well, you know, you could have sex.
Andy: Okay. Yup.
Hotline: That's one thing people do when they have...have an erection.
Andy: Yeah, that's not an option. I don't have sex.
Hotline: Okay, well then you can masturbate.
Andy: I'd rather not masturbate.
Hotline: If you'd like the erection to go away you can light a match, blow out the flame and put the hot ember on your wrist. And that will focus the brain elsewhere and you will lose your erection.
Andy: Really? That'd work?
Hotline: Take your finger and flick your testicle and if you do that till it hurts your erection will go away.
Andy: Okay, alright.
Hotline: It sounds unpleasent and it is. It is a trick we use in India.
Andy: Okay, well those are all good...good pieces of advice. I really appreciate it.
Hotline: Well, we appreciate your business... Oh, no. We didn't get your business---
Andy: No, not this time. I... I guess I didn't need you this time. Thank you.
Before Cals phone starts to ring he's working on his novel.
Cal: But Dad, I don't know how to love. You never taught me how.
Jay argues with a customer und Andy tries to settle things.
Willis: You wanna go?
Jay: I suggest you move back.
Willis: Then, nig, fire on.
Andy: Uh-oh. What are we gonna do?
Paula: What are you gonna do, Mr. Floor Manager? Go get 'em, tiger.
Willis: This shit just got rigged.
Jay: What you gon' do, bitch?
Willis: I'll tell you what. I'm 'a tell you. You know Luca Perry from 20th and 25th?
Jay: You ever heard of Rolling 20s, nigger? Since I was sixteen, nigger, I'm sayin' "frosty". You know, I'm sayin' "spoon", nigger. We fucked dwarfs in the ass.
Willis: Nigger, this dwarf here don't gotta be tall to pull the trigger off in somebody face!
Jay: Come on, nigger, back up. What's up??
Andy: Hey... Welcome to Smart Tech.
Willis: Is this your boy?
Andy: What can I help you with?
Jay: Yeah, nigger, we will both mash you up!
Andy: How can we help you, sir?
Jay: Nigger, what? He don't need no help. He's already been served. I served him. He's taken care of. He's a little slow but he got it. See, what he thought is he can come up in here and make the rules but he see that Jay make the rules at Smart Tech, that I run this bitch and now he bought the bounce.
Willis: This your boy?
Jay: Yeah, that's my boy. We represent Smart Tech.
Willis: You just got fucked up with him. Both y'all niggers gon' get clapped up when I get back. Both of you niggers.
Andy: Wha--- what did I do?
Willis: It don't fucking matter!
Jay: Yeah, aim high, Willis. Aim high!
Andy: Please don't do this.
Bernadette, the cute co-worker, pushes a TV set around.Cal and Dave watch her. Then Andy and Mooj discuss the working schedule.
Bernadette: Hey Cal. David. Way to sell a big TV.
Cal: She likes you, man.
Dave: Too bad I retired my penis.
Andy: Mooj, we try to be fair with the schedule but it's hard.
Mooj: Okay, but why every damn schedule comes up I get most early shift? It's bullshit. Nobody buys stereo at ten in the morning.
Andy: No, I understand.
Mooj: People buy stereo between six and eight. Rich men get off work, then buy stereo.
Mooj: Not after fucking brunch.
Andy: Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. I'm gonna give you a couple of Jay's shifts. And then I'll give you a couple of mine and that way we'll al be equal, okay?
Mooj: Thank you, Andy.
Andy: It's okay.
Mooj: You're a good man, Andy. By the way, what date are you on now?
Andy: I think it's around seventeen. It's hard to tell what actually constitutes as a date, though.
Mooj: Three to go. So that means you're gonna have sex in three days.
Andy: Maybe. I might try to space them out a little.
Mooj: I'll pray for your cock.
Andy: Okay, thanks. Thanks. Thank you.
Mooj: Have a good cocky.
Dave: Trish is on the phone.
Dave: Here's a shock. Girlfriend with a problem.
The scene with Andy and the plastic vagina is different in both versions. In the Unrated he tries to put it back together.
In the R-Rated there's a scene here that resembles the one from 1:31:05. In the nrated Paula asks Cal about weed because she's taking a week off and wants to watch Gandhi stoned. After that Dave is talking to a customer.
Bernadette: Cal. David.
Cal: I think she likes you, man.
Dave: Mmm. Too bad I retired my cock.
Paula: Do you have any weed?
Cal: I have...yeah, I have some weed.
Paula: You do have some? Can you spare any or is it all spoken for?
Cal: I mean, like what are we talking? Like, are we talking, like, long weed?
Paula: Just enough to get me baked for, like, a week.
Cal: That's a lot of weed.
Paula: Yeah, I'm taking vacation next week, so...
Cal: Where are you going?
Paula: I'm not going anywhere. I'll stay in my apartment.
Cal: Just getting baked?
Paula: I wanna be baked the whole time. Watch TV, I'll probably re-watch Gandhi.
Cal: Gandhi baked is good.
Paula: Yes, isn't it?
Cal: I always feel bad when I watch it baked cause I get really hungry and I'm eating a lot and poor Gandhi is fucking starving his ass off.
Paula: Starving, I know. I know.
Customer: Sounds good.
Customer: I'm gonna take her to capacity. Are you okay with that?
Dave: Give it a shot.
Customer: Freak! Oh yeah! Michael McDonald, man. I haven't heard this in years.
Dave: Yeah, I haven't heard it in like 48 minutes.
Customer: If I get that set, will you throw in the DVD?
Dave: You don't get the set I'll throw in the DVD.
Customer: I'll take it.
In the R-Rated Dave is already making out with Bernadette. In the Unrated they talk prior to that.
Bernadette: Cal said you were celibate.
Dave: No, I just said that so he wouldn’t hit on me anymore.
Dave: Cal's a good guy.
Bernadette: Yeah, he's a great guy. It's so funny, because, you know, when I first met him and I thought he was cute at the store he told me you were gay.
Dave: I'm not gay. Cal says that I'm gay because he has a real problem with his own gayness.
Dave: But seriously, I'm gonna lay it out for you, right now. I was a little reticent to come over and talk to you. You're very pretty and you seem very nice. The truth is I dated this woman...let me rephrase that. I dated this whore who stomped all over my heart.And it's just taking me a little while to to kind of, you know, get back in the game.
Bernadette: Oh my God. Say no more. My last boyfriend Sal Junior is a scumbag. I would totally pay people to have him killed. That's how much I fucking hate that damn scumbag.
Dave: God, you're fucking awesome.
Bernadette: You too.
In the sequence where Andy almost cheats on Trish the single scenes are arranged differently. The R-Rated also misses two scenes.
During the singing at the wedding there's more monkey business.
More footage of the wedding.